Apologies to those I have offended
Sometimes I find it hard to sleep. Last night for example, I got those cramps in my legs (you know the ones you get when you’re living in the tropics and you don’t drink enough water during the day?)
*crickets*
Okay…
Anyway, I woke up feeling like a rubber-man with my legs twisted around each other after dreaming I was running away from the Prime Minister’s cat (whose name escapes me for the moment).
With nothing better to do at 2am I decided to read some blog posts. I sat in the dark and I’m not a touch typist so I basically just guessed where they keys were.
Even though I know I’m perfect (ahem) my responses were full of typos and this reminded me to share some of my embarrassing better ones with you.
Here goes:
“Your lovely soil (*soul) shines through in this post”
“These are great pies (*pics)”
“I love these pigs (*pics) of your children”
“I’m going to post a pic of it shorty (*shortly)”
“All my breast (*best) for your engagement party”
“My arthritis makes it hard for me to dick (*dice) potatoes”
“Sending you big bugs (*hugs)”
“It’s so nice they made a plague (*plaque) in your honour”
“I just want to give you a big hiss (*kiss) for posting this”
“What a beautiful shit (*shot) of your grandson”
“I wanted to jick (*kick) myself”
“I was watching the grog (*frog)”
“I wouldn’t frust (*trust) him either”
“I hate friving (*driving) in the wet”
“I wish I could set up and ruin (*run) my own business like you have”
Apologies to all those I’ve offended (and still haven’t noticed). In the meantime (and to make this post easier on the eyes) here is a picture of the Blue Star of Happiness light my sister gave me many years ago for my birthday. It’s now found the perfect spot over my bar.
A useless piece of information – the windows are about 4.5 meters (almost 15ft) off the ground and the greenery you see outside the windows is a very large mango tree (YUM!)
Here’s a picture of the Blue Star of Happiness close up (with light off) so you can get the full vista of it’s beauty.
I would love to hear (please tell me because I don’t want to be the only one) if you have ever suffered from “typo disorder”.
Dianne Gray author 
Dianne, I had such a good laugh with this! I do this, too, after I swear I’m “perfect.” I read it and it looks fine, and then later when I see it again, it’s full of typos. I hope I didn’t do this to you! The Blue Star is beautiful.
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You’ve never done it to me, Amy 😀 I sometimes see them when I get a response and think ‘YIKES – did I really write that?’ LOL!
Although someone called me a completely different name the other day and I didn’t say anything, but I’m sure I’ve done that before to other people 😦
I love my blue star 😀
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Wow, that star is beautiful! As for typos, oh my, I am full of them! I catch half, but the ones that I don’t are whoppers. I laughed at some of yours! haha. Please don’t send me big *bugs. 🙂
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Lovely big *bugs to you, Jackie LOL! Maybe that slip was Freudian because I’m surrounded by the things 😀
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I enjoyed your collection of typos! (How many times have I seen mine just as I hit Send!) And the Blue Star of Happiness certainly enhances your kitchen, which looks beautiful, btw..
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It’s amazing how many times you can look at it and then push ‘send’ and then notice a disaster – ‘NOOOOOOO’!
The Blue Star of Happiness has settled in nicely. I’ve had it for years and it’s usually high up (in a hallway or something) and it goes relatively unnoticed. I love it where it is now 😉
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Dianne,I started to write an email to a friend in Oz and then fell asleep at the keyboard. I obviously carried on writing and sent the message off. When I woke up I had no idea what I’d done until the next morning I got a message back- What The???????????????? with a copy of the message sent. I’d used proper words in the main but certainly not in the order you could make a sentence with.
Another time while showing my daughter something on a laptop I fell asleep.( I do get up very early) and she told me later it was only because I started showing her something totally unrelated to what we were talking about she caught on that I’d gone.She often says I make more sense asleep.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
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Oh no, David – that’s hilarious! “Sleep emailing” is something I’ve never heard of before. I’ll be giggling all evening over this comment 😀
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Thanks for the guffaw Dianne! Oh and I get those leg cramps too – ghastly.
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They’re yucky, Julie 😦 I think I need magnesium or something 😉
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I have to take tons of magnesium.
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I like the blue star! I’m sure I’ve left a trail of typos in my comments as well. I don’t go back and read them, but I’ve seen a few after posting. I usually don’t leave another comment to amend the mistake, so perhaps I should make an apology post as well, haha 😛
I hope your legs are doing better!
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The blue star fits perfectly (I actually hadn’t thought pf putting it there until the other night when I thought the bar needed ‘something’ and dug it out of one of my moving boxes). Speaking of which – I still have moving boxes unopened since the move over twelve months ago – I’ve been too busy renovating the house to open some of them. It’s a real treasure hunt when I drag one out because I can’t remember what I had 😉
I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes these embarrassing typos, Janna 😀
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Lol made me laugh reading this and I can sympathise me being a dyslexic with predictave text that has sarcastic mind of it’s own, I hate leg cramps I sometimes times get what feels like itchy bones
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Ouch – the itchy bones feeling is awful, Neil! I’ve only started getting the cramps recently and they wake me up and I can’t get back to sleep (highly frustrating).
I love the way you describe yourself as a dyslexic with predictive text that has sarcastic mind of it’s own! 😉
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I can’t work out what sets of my itchy bones and only get it once in a while, I take myself of out for a walk and that helps,
Lol beware of a of a phone and tablet operating system called Android you must have seen star wars my phone is like a scouse C3P0
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Ermehgerd I so love this, I think I have done most of them..this is wonderful you poor love .. All my breast, what beautiful shits too, giving you a big hiss darling..sorry I can’t stop laughing. 🙂
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Haaaaaa! Love it, Jen! Speaking of which – I’m also very bad at names and often get them wrong as well 😉
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You are so funny! This was one of the funniest posts ever. I hate when I do that, but mine aren’t usually quite so funny. It is possible to make lots of typos and make no sense whatsoever. Those are the kind I make. I read them the next day, and have no idea what I meant to say. Unfortunately they usually go out as business emails. 🙂
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Oh, Marsha – typos in business emails are the worst! I used to have a really (awful)) strict boss who always put me on edge. For some reason every time I sent her an email there would be a typo in it no matter how many times I proof read it. I’m sure it was because she made me so nervous!
I’m so glad you enjoyed this post! 😀
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Yours are always great! 🙂
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There are no typos until you press post comment then the WordPress gremlin goes to work so as soon as you can no longer change it they appear 😀
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This is so true, Paula! Everything looks fine and then – bang- there they are when you push ‘send’ 😀 I must make a formal complaint to WP on behalf of all of us 😉
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OMG I am finding it hard to actually write something here.. I have tears running down my face and can hardly see…
“What a beautiful shit (*shot) of your grandson” do they still make contact with you?
“I love these pigs (*pics) of your children” man these people must really love you now…
“I was watching the grog (*frog)” Maybe they think if you drank less grog and more water you’d have less cramp…
“I wouldn’t frust (*trust) him either” this could be so misconstrued… I would have loved to see the comment to which you responded this one too…
Dianne thank you for the laugh (I’m still crying) …
I will never admit to ever having made such mistakes… too perfect or maybe I just don’t want to know… but I’m sure I must have some real bombers… I can’t look at a screen and type… my two middle fingers have to be watched to make sure they are heading in the right direction. Just one problem they are a tad thick and tend to double tap on two letters and what appears on the screen not only confuses the life out of me, but when your spell check is seen in the corner waving a white flag you must know I’ve posted a good few ….
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I’m so glad you enjoyed this, Bulldog 😀
I actually left out a few that were just too awful to write down – one big bomb I made when I responded to a fundamentalist had me running down the street screaming it was that bad!
My hubby has the same issue with his thick fingers and that’s why he hates texting – he can never find a phone with big enough letters to work with 😀
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all the tim and I do no know why, thoug I do typ in the drk to
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LOL! bressings to you me dear 😀
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Love those pigs, Dianne ~ it shows the green tint to good adventure. And your Blue Stir of Happiness is fantastic.
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Thank you my dar 🙂 It’s awys lovy to se you in this nack of the woods 😎
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Oh Dianne, this made me laugh several times. It’s kind of like when the predictive text decides what you really mean and it’s all rubbish. Sometimes I’m tempted to send this sort of text as it comes out the first time and see what the reaction is.
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I’m so glad you got a giggle out of this 😉 We have to have a laugh because some of mine have been crackers and if I don’t laugh about it I’d scream and run 😀
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“Sending you big bugs.” Too funny! These are hilarious, Dianne. Your comments on my blog have always been free of typos.
The Blue Star of Happiness is so beautiful. You’ve found the perfect place to display it!
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I’m so glad I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you, Jill 😀
The Blue Star has always been one of my favorites but it’s often been too high up to really appreciate it – now it’s at eye height it looks spectacular 😉
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My readers would suffer more if I didn’t make it a point to re-read everything before posting. That has saved my butt more than once! 🙂
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Well done, Theo – we should all re-read (several times) to save the embarrassment 😉
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I have been embarrassed plenty on the blog. I try to cut down those instances whenever I can. 🙂
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Hi Dianne. Thanks for this entertaining post, and the good reminder to double check the comments we write! 🙂 It really shows why not to take anything personally, as it could just be a typo! You definitely have a way with words! Beautiful Star of Happiness too!
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So true – sometimes I’ve noticed other people do this and I have a bit of a giggle and never take it personally. I just think ‘oops, typo?’ LOL 😀
I love my Blue Star 😉
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Dianne, Touch typing is no cure for this occasional blight. I once got up in the night and wrote a term paper–I had the screen turned way down, because it seemed so bright in the dark. Then I went back to bed. When I woke up in the morning, what I’d typed was gibberish–hands on the wrong keys.
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It’s almost like we could invent another language (hang on – I think the kids of today are already doing that) 😉
There has to be something we can do to type at night without being blinded by the screen. I’m typing in the dark now…
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The star is beautiful! And I always see my typos after I hit send. Fortunately, there is almost always an option to correct them. 🙂
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Except in the comments… and yes, I do it all the time. 😉
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I’ve corrected some of mine, but if I comment on another person’s post I have no idea how to correct them 😉
I’m so glad you like the star, Ruth – it’s just beautiful 😀
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Comments can’t be fixed, so I will add another comment with the correction – when I catch the typos. 🙂
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You’re the second efriend talking about leg cramps today. It’s become epidemic. I always associate them with calcium so take calcium supplements, but my other friend also drinks water.
You see I’m totally distracted from your typos!
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LOL! Thanks Jacqui 😀
I hope these leg cramps aren’t the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse otherwise I’ll be the first to go 😉
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Ebry fay!
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Me two! 😉
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LOL, Dianne. Love the ruin your business comment and dick potatoes, shorty. Thanks for the smiles this morning. {{{uggs}}} Bozo
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Hahahaha! Thanks Bozo (I hope I’ve never called you that before 😉
{{{chugs}}}
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Those are so funny! I don’t think I’ve done something too out there, but then again, I guess I don’t know. But I do know I’ve always wanted a ‘plague’ in my honor. 😉
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LOL! I didn’t even notice that one until the booger (sorry blogger) came back to me laughing! 😀
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Hilarious! I can relate to this, and I still haven’t figured out the edit button. Thanks for the laughs;-)
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I know the edit button well 😉
I’m glad this gave you a good laugh this morning 😀
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Thank you Dianne for the great laugh. Things like that often happen with text messages that have been auto corrected. So funny.
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I’ve seen some of those auto corrected texts – they are hilarious!
So glad this gave you a laugh. Thank you so much for comming by to read 😀
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This is hysterical. Dianne. I did laugh three bags full. I also am often horrified when I realise what typos I’ve sent to people. Love your gorgeous blue star. It looks really great over your bra. 😀 Hugs to you xx
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Haaaa! That star really suits my bra 😎
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Thanks so much for the laughs and the knowledge that I’m not alone in “typo disorder!” Each time I thought “this one is the funniest,” another begged to take its place in your examples. 😀
The one that springs to mind for me was actually autocorrect’s fault, not mine. I was commenting on Facebook about my “problems with FB” and autocorrect turned it into “problems with the FBI.” I swear I have no problems with that federal agency of ours!
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Haaaaa! Oh dear – we don’t want problems with the FBI 😎
I’m glad you liked this post – it’s good to have a laugh about these things and hope (with fingers crossed) that no one takes true offence (particularly the FBI) 😀
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Oh this is so funny!! I alway try to correct people’s typos when they comment on my blog but wish they would do the same with mine…. although when they are as funny as yours, I don’t think I would mind at all, haha! I use sometimes use my English keyboard to write emails to my family who is French so sometimes the autocorrect gets in the way and creates an odd mix of languages if I don’t catch it or override it!
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I guess I’ve never made typos on my comments to you then, Letizia – and if I have I’d know – YAY 😀
I usually see mine when I go through my notifications and see the responses from comments I’ve made and think, ‘YIKES – I said what???’ LOL
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This was great! I don’t know if I’ve offended anyone with my own typos in comments. But I know I’ve probably sent lots of texts with major doozies (but I blame it all on the smart texting–which I’m glad my computer doesn’t have since it’s so DUMB!)
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That smart texting gets me every time. I remember when I texted my boss (who was very harsh) with the words ‘Okey Dokey’ and it ended up on her phone as ‘Okay Donkey’! 😀
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Oh yes, typos aplenty! Grrrrrrrr.
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Too many – I need a secretary 😉
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I think the world is now a little lighter as typos are now not frowned upon, not tolerated but celebrated. Once upon a time I wasted a great deal of my life and mental space being stickler for household cleanliness and spelling acurracy… ho hum… Thank God electronic devices saved me from myself. I now care nit (a favourite of my phone keypad) about either.
Oh, and for leg cramps try potassium, magnesium and calcium rich foods, or supplements.
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I’ve got magnesium tablets that I’m going to try today. I had the cramps again last night (grrrrr) and was up at 2am again 😦
I care nit – I love this line! 😀
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Thanks for the yuks! (note to self, do not use the word yuck, or yuks again in the event…). I save all my typos of texting. I especially excel at mixing up ? and !.
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LOL! I wasn’t going to mention the ‘yucks’ 😉
Mixing up ? and ! can completely change the tone of the sentence. Imagine commenting on a post ‘This is good?’ instead of ‘This is good!’ – Oh dear 😉
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I’m getting nervous thinking about it.
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Oh my gosh, you are by not alone! Who can forget the time I typed ‘they’re mother’ in a post! One of my most embarrassing moments!
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Yikes! I think I probably do that more often than not. To, too, two many times 😀
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I just did it again… where did that ‘by’ come from in my comment??!!
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LOL! I actually didn’t notice it until then 😉 it’s the WP gremlins testing us xxx
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lol hilarious 🙂
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😀 😀 !
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Hello mummit! Just read this post and you are hilarious! Makes me miss you even more! I love the star – I remember spending many a night perched under it drinking wine with you. In fact am enjoying a nice cold glass on the patio and wishing you were here. Love you xox
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Awww – how beautiful to see you here my darling! I wish I was enjoying a wine with you on your patio. When you’re ready to visit, the blue star is waiting! 😀 xxx
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Very funny indeed – I hate that moment when you’ve left a comment and hit ‘post’ and in that second spot the typo! As for the mango tree, I am seriously jealous. I had a cashew fruit tree in my garden when I lived in Mexico, and then avocados and white peaches when I was living in Australia. Now that I am back in the UK, I have a holly bush…
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I just love fruit trees, Gabriela. We once had a holly bush and they are beautiful until you tread on a leaf in bare feet – ouch! 😀
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Haha! I’ve never “dicked” potatoes before, but I’m gonna.
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LOL! It’s painful 😉
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Haha….love this post. I am so paranoid about “auto-correct” that I re-read things a million times before sending. (it doesn’t always work!!) 😉
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It’s amazing what we miss – I thought I looked at things a zillion times but there are still the bloopers 😉
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I love the blue light! Coloured lamps are so nice, especially at nighttime. I have an orange lamp that I use in my bedroom at night to help me wind down in the evening. And also have a good sleep, it would seem, for apparently, orange lighting is good for that.
Speaking of lights, sounds like you need a computer with a backlit keyboard. Mine has that. I hardly ever use it, as I’m mostly a touch typist, but it is useful when typing in the dead of night for quick glances down to make sure I’m on track.
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Ahhh – a backlit keyboard, what a great idea! I may have to go shopping today (always an excuse) 😉
I leave the blue star on at night and it gives the house a beautiful glow. I love the sound of the orange lighting in your bedroom – it sounds like it would be very calming 😉
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Reverse problem, Dianne! I always write “love and learn”- because I do- but it’s always assumed I meant “live”. 🙂
Looking at your star makes me feel gappy. (oops!)
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LOL! ‘Love and learn’ is a great saying! 😀
The star makes me feel gappy too 😉
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What a perfect spot for your star! typo disorder is alive and well any many of us, especially when text’ing but, we can always say “that darn auto spell check” Ha!
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LOL! Yes – it’s always the fault of the spell check 😉
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shoot! I did it again! LOLOLOLOL!!! shhhhhhhh
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HAAAAAAAAAAA! Just saw it 😀
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I read this when you first posted, Dianne. Truly laugh out loud funny stuff. At least it was obvious some of them were very heartfelt sentiments. 😉
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As long as my heart’s in the right place, Maddie… (LOL) 😉
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Hahaha 😀 Re the clamps, bat more bandanas.
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LOL! great minds think alike! 😎
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You are hilarious 🙂 I totally have typo disorder, but they usually aren’t as funny.
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Glad they gave you a laugh! I’m pretty bad with the typos 😀
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This is too funny! How’s the one about the shit / shot of the grandson :O oops!
I haven’t got much of a frequent typo disorder; but when it hits me, it’s really bad! I’ll sound like I’m drunk-typing.
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I almost did one a few minutes ago where I wrote piss instead of pits – but I noticed it before I pushed that button. Yikes! I cringe to think of the ones I’ve done and don’t know about 😉
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I have to say I’m kind of anal about typos, and I spend more time proofing than writing. However, there are times when I’m rushing or I’m on my iPhone and I mess up. You’re not alone, Dianne.
Love that light!!
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I’m so glad you love the light (and it’s great to be anal about typos – they can get you into a load of strife!) 😀
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That is a beautiful light. I’m checking in – haven’t been here or a while, to see how the building is progressing.
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It’s great to see you back! The light is a beautiful feature. I used to have it hanging too high so it was hard to see but now it’s right in your face and too hard to ignore 😉
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My best friend and I even had a name for it. We called it “The Typo Fairy” and whenever we’d have a late night internet or text chat that soon became riddled with typos (from tired eyes) we’d say: “The Typo Fairy is at it again!” or something much more vulgar…
lol
These are all hilarious, though.
& You have a beautiful home. My how far it’s come. I bet all that hard work was worth it. That Blue Star of Happiness beams just that. It’s like it’s saying “Welcome! Come on in!”
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I love The Typo Fairy’ because it takes the fault away from me and I can just blame the naughty little fairy (LOL) 😀
The blue star is fantastic! It’s very welcoming indeed. This week we’ve been working on the writer’s nook and I’ll get some pics soon – I just LOVE it! 😀
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Oh I bet those will be really neat. 😀 I wonder if any little creatures will show up for a cameo appearance…
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