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March 6, 2013 / diannegray

The horizon’s even bigger now

The RUC has been sitting on the block for five days now and the guys are busily working on it to get it ready for a new roof and the long stumps. I’ve been really excited, but something odd happened to me yesterday when I was standing alone on the veranda looking at the views to get a few pics for you. Hubby went next door to Joey’s farm to fix a light in his shed. The workers had left and it was the first time I’d been left alone in the place. It had been raining and when the rain stopped all I could hear was the sound of water plopping into pools below the trees. Some birds flew silently over the cane fields and the clouds began to break up, revealing shafts of sunlight across the mountains.

And I began to sob! Yes – you heard me, I said ‘SOB’. Not just a glint in the eye and a silver tear running down the cheek like some beautiful movie queen waving her lover off to war. I SOBBED. The tears spurted from eyes. My nose ran. Weird noises like the Doppler sound of a train coming down the tracks burst from my throat! I was sobbing and I couldn’t stop. Hubby came back from Joey’s, saw the mess I was in, hugged me and asked me what had happened.

I don’t know about you, but I can either cry or speak – I can’t do both.

The conversation went something like this:

Hubby: Are you okay? (Wiping my nose and face on his sleeve)

Me: Nods

Hubby: Just calm down and tell me what happened

Me: Nods  (some kind of gurgling noise – starts sobbing again)

Hubby: Did you get bitten by a snake?

Me: Shakes head vigorously

Hubby: Did you fall down somewhere? (now looking around the veranda for a hole when my leg may have gone through)

Me: Shakes head vigorously

Hubby: Did you see something you don’t like? Do you hate the house?

Me: Shakes head vigorously

Hubby: Sit down and relax

Me: Sits down (takes a deep breath and now I think I’m hyperventilating)

Hubby:  We’ve had a stressful year. Just let it out.

Me: Nods – the last twelve months in a nutshell. March 2012, Hubby has been sick for some time and finally gets the diagnosis of Pancreatic cancer. I get sick and get the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. April 2012, Mother and Father in law arrive to visit (not knowing hubby and I are both sick and we don’t tell them) Father-in-law suffers a stroke. Hubby is supposed to have operation, but flies father-in-law home instead. May 2012, hubby has whipple procedure, goes into renal failure on the operating table and also has an artery inadvertently nicked during the operation which lasts 11 hours. June 2012, hubby is deemed clear of cancer. July 2012, I am cleared of erroneous Code of Conduct charge that I’ve been fighting for 2 years (I’ll write a blog about this one day if anyone is interested). November 2012, I retire from the stresses of working for a highly incompetent government department called The Tax Office. December 2012, the old barracks is too damaged to fix and we have nowhere to live so we can care for ailing mother and father-in-law. We are offered the RUC and make the decision to move it.

And now I’m sitting on my new veranda on the RUC sobbing my heart out.

Me: I’m happy. I’m crying because I’m happy.

Hubby: One tear of happiness is worth more than a million of sadness.

So I pulled myself together and took some pics to show you. I’ve also added in some others that I’ve taken over the last month that are pretty cute.

Westerly view from the veranda

Westerly view

South Westerly view from the veranda

South Westerly view

Southerly view from the veranda

Southerly View

Mr Fluffy’s parents are in the UK so we took him to the creek for a swim. I tried to get him to smile for me.

Mr Fluffy

He smiled!

Mr Fluffy2

We asked Joey to move the petrol tank from in front of the RUC. BUT – we didn’t know it had four 20 gallon drums of cement attached to the legs. Poor Joey! I think he laughed about it in the end 😉


That’s it from me. I hope you have a lovely week and once all the rubbish is cleared off the veranda, I’ll take some pics to show you how huge it is!


Leave a Comment
  1. Maryanne / Mar 6 2013 8:12 am

    Tears of joy are the BEST!!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 8:16 am

      Absolutely, Maryanne! 😀


      • Maryanne / Mar 6 2013 8:50 am

        I’m just ecstatic for you, Dianne. It’s the best when everything falls into place, especially after a series of very very hard times! ((HUGS)) xo


      • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:11 am

        Thank you, Maryanne! I really hope this post lets people know that there can be a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel 😀


  2. Jenny Ackland / Mar 6 2013 8:19 am

    Oh Dianne so sorry to read of your shitty 2012 but I completely understand those tears and the happiness to be standing there and to have achieved what you have. What magnificent views and can’t wait to see more pics. Only one more thing: Joey is a legend and I laughed when your hubby asked first if you’d been bitten by a snake. A QLD thing I suppose.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 8:27 am

      LOL- so true! A snake bite is his first thought and that is SO QLD! 😉 Joey certainly is a legend – he insisted we live in his house in the town while the RUC is getting ready for us to move in to. He’s an absolute darling and I couldn’t ask for a better neighbour. He and hubby have been best friends since they were very young 😉


  3. Bonnie / Mar 6 2013 8:22 am

    Dianne…your sobs make PERFECT sense to me, absolute perfect sense. The relief, release, joy and all – so many overwhelming emotions finally free. What a year you’ve had in your life, not to mention your writing. I love that you’ve shared this with us, and the conversation with your hubby is just precious. Sounds like you have a lovely man in your life! Your views are gorgeous. how I would love to sit on your veranda and chat with you someday…stranger things have happened! Enjoy your happiness…you deserve every ounce of it! 🙂 xo


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 8:30 am

      Thank you so much, Bonnie. Sometimes we just have a year where everything happens and we stay strong not realising that it all has to come out at some stage. And come out it did! I had the best sleep last night that I’ve had in years.

      I would love for you to sit on my veranda one day and chat – what a beautiful image 😀


  4. dedepuppets / Mar 6 2013 8:29 am

    It is so cleasing, you really feel the all the weight fall off your shoulders, dont’ you? All the best for a better year!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 8:33 am

      Thank you so much! It really does feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders – 2013 will be a great year 😀


  5. danpentagram / Mar 6 2013 8:36 am

    What an engaging read, Dianne. It is true what they say isn’t it – when one bad thing happens, everything else comes out the woodwork. I’m so glad things are moving forwards for you 🙂 You cry those tears of joy!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:00 am

      They are the best tears I’ve ever cried, Dan! What a gigantic relief 😀


  6. Kozo / Mar 6 2013 8:49 am

    The screen is blurry because I have tears in my eyes, but I don’t want to wipe them away because the make me happy. You are so blessed. The fact that hubby gave you a hug before even saying a word makes him a saint in my book. {{{Hugs}}} Then the concern about the snake and you having one of your self-accidents. haha. The clincher was the last line about one tear of happiness. So much wisdom and empathy there.
    I started blogging in October, so I did not know about your travails in 2012. What is with 2012? Seems to have been a challenging year for everyone. One day we will compare notes.
    I am so happy for you. You deserve all the joy in the world.
    Went to a seminar this weekend where the speaker said a great line that you might like. “Your life is not working out perfectly.” He meant that the not working out is perfection. He also meant that when we try to make things perfect things don’t work out. Last year was necessary for you to have this incredible moment. Your tears are tears of perfection. Love you, Kozo


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:09 am

      Thank you so much, my dear Kozo 😀 I don’t know what it was about 2012 either, but it was certainly a year of some highs, but the lowest of lows. I don’t normally write about my feelings, but I just couldn’t resist this time because it was like I had an epiphany on that veranda yesterday. Every bit of stress I’ve felt over the last few years came pouring out because I was so relaxed and so happy to see such beauty.

      Reading between the lines I think your 2012 wasn’t much better than mine. One day we should compare notes 😉

      {{{hugs}}} to you, my dear friend 😀


      • Jenny Ackland / Mar 6 2013 9:52 am

        I have heard people say that 2012 was filled with extremes – deaths of loved ones at the beginning of the year and fabulous holidays at the end. For me, 2012 was the best year almost ever, but I have had my bad ones in the past. I think sometimes bad stuff can seem to cluster, for whatever reason, in such a way that you feel pounded by the universe but as you say above Dianne, getting through these poundings make us better people and more appreciative. Usually! I think there are a lot of us wanting to sit with you on your verandah and look out at those cane fields. You can add me to the list, book me in for oh say 2016?


      • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:38 pm

        It’s a deal! 😀


  7. Theo Fenraven / Mar 6 2013 8:52 am

    Aw…. Yeah, you have had one hell of a year. Enjoy being happy. You’ve both certainly earned it.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:13 am

      It was a hell of a year, Theo – everything that could go wrong…well…you know… 😦 But it’s wonderful to look back now and know how hard we worked to get things back into balance. It’s a wonderful feeling… 😀


  8. gracebranniganauthor / Mar 6 2013 8:59 am

    Great post. We all have those years now and again!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:15 am

      Thanks, Grace. I’m so glad you liked the post. I just hope I don’t have another year like that for a long time… 😉


  9. avwalters / Mar 6 2013 8:59 am

    At last, the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an oncoming train. I can relate to the stresses, and to the overwhelming sense of relief–to the point of tears. I have had a similar year–and am about a half a year behind you in the turnaround that will be the future. Reading your blog has been a point of hope–it can be done. And now, with all this news of the struggle, I understand even more fully how rich this future looks. Congratulations. When our sojourn begins, I well share, too. In the meantime, take this, these emotions, this relief and these struggles–capture them for future harvest in terms of your writing.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:22 am

      I’m sorry you’re still there and really hope the end of the tunnel comes sooner than you expect. There were times (particularly when hubby was in the operating theater) when I thought my entire world had collapsed around me – it was very dark and I needed a lot of strength to get through it. But staying strong has a price because one day it all comes out and if it comes in tears of joy, that’s best possible scenario. May your sojourn come quickly, and when it does please let us know 🙂 *hugs* to you, my friend.


  10. Letizia / Mar 6 2013 9:04 am

    What beautiful photos, Dianne – you and your husband deserve to be surrounded by such beauty. It looks like a wonderfully healing and nurturing place as well. Sometimes a good cry can be a good cleansing, leaving difficult times behind us and ready to look ahead!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:25 am

      You’re so right, Letizia. I feel like I’ve been cleansed and the happiness is now flowing freely. The surrounding mountains and the peace and serenity of the place is perfect. Thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts 😀


  11. Lynda / Mar 6 2013 9:08 am

    I understand. I’m glad they were good tears.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:26 am

      Thank you so much, Lynda. Good tears are the very best indeed…


  12. Carrie Rubin / Mar 6 2013 9:08 am

    What a horrific year! My heart goes out to you. There are no words, I know, but know that my thoughts are with you. So glad to hear your hubby is cancer free. The pancreas is not always a kind organ. Here’s hoping that 2013 proves better for you.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:34 am

      Thank you, Carrie. I think he has shocked all the doctors because this is the kind of cancer that is very difficult to catch and cure (I’m sure, as a doctor, you understand how incredibly lucky he is!) I don’t normally write about this kind of thing, but couldn’t help myself today, knowing that we’ve emerged from the end of that long dark tunnel. It CAN happen! 😀 I’ve also been told by the docs that my MS has probably been with me for over 20 years and therefore there is little chance that I will deteriorate anytime soon. My symptoms are minimal and basically for the last 20 years I thought I was just ‘clumsy’! 😀


      • Carrie Rubin / Mar 6 2013 9:40 am

        So good to hear! I hope the MS continues to manifest as mostly ‘clumsiness’ for a very long time for you. And yes, pancreatic cancer is not often one that’s associated with the phrase ‘cancer-free.’ What a relief it must have been for you both.


      • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:33 pm

        A HUGE relief! 😀


  13. Maddie Cochere / Mar 6 2013 9:11 am

    Geeze Louise, Dianne! I had no idea you had been through so much last year. I sat here and shed a few tears for you as I read your story. You’ve been brave and held it in for so long, it finally burst out, and happiness was all that was left. What beautiful, soothing views you have. The future definitely looks bright. Ahhhh…Mr. Fluffy. 🙂 Hugs and love to you, Dianne.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:37 am

      Thank you, Maddie. It was a tough time, but it just goes to show that no matter how dark things become it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end of the world. Things CAN get better and I love that I cried tears of joy. It’s been a long time coming 😀 Hugs and love to you too, my dear friend! 😀


  14. JackieP / Mar 6 2013 9:28 am

    Great big virtual {{{hugs}}}} from a virtual friend.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:38 am

      {{{hugs}}}} received and {{{hugs}}}} back your way, my darling! 😀


  15. John / Mar 6 2013 9:30 am

    Oh wow… God bless! Great view too.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:38 am

      Thanks, John. Just wait till I get that veranda clean – woo hoo, won’t it look beautiful! 🙂


  16. Polysyllabic Profundities / Mar 6 2013 9:32 am

    Wow….you have been so strong for such a long time and I’m glad you were able to release some of that stress. It’s amazing how one tranquil moment can open the floodgates for sequestered emotions to bubble to the surface. Let’s hope all of the bad times were left behind and your new life in the RUC with the solitude of the countryside will hold you and keep you happy. (And I, for one, would love for you to blog about the Code of Conduct charge!!)

    Many hugs to you, my friend, and may you enjoy the peace and happiness you so richly deserve!!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:46 am

      Thank you, Susan! You’re so right about that tranquil moment – it had to happen and I’m so glad it happened on my veranda! (I seriously love that place). I’ve even wanted to write there and stories flood into my mind every time I look out at the mountains, but it’s not fit for habitation yet 😦

      I’ll write a post about the CoC charge because it’s an amazing story and includes the ATO getting caught for backdating documents and sending them to the Merit Protection Commissioner to try and prove my guilt. 😯 As I said – amazing…


  17. adinparadise / Mar 6 2013 9:35 am

    You’ve certainly earned that waterfall of tears, Diane. What an ‘annus horribilis’ you’ve come through. So glad that after all the scary times, your darling hubby is okay now. I wish you both every happiness in your RUC, and can’t wait to see the photos. Mr Fluffy is so adorable when he smiles, and I’m impressed that Joey still has his sense of humour. Hugs to you.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 9:48 am

      Thank you, Sylvia 😀 ‘annus horribilis’ is certainly an exact description of 2012 for me.

      Joey is wonderful! It was very funny when he kept telling us that the petrol tank was too heavy to lift and we didn’t believe him! LOL 😀


  18. Rick Mallery / Mar 6 2013 9:47 am

    “I am cleared of erroneous Code of Conduct charge that I’ve been fighting for 2 years (I’ll write a blog about this one day if anyone is interested).” Oh, you are such a tease! 🙂

    Great post! The drama of fiction can’t hold a candle to the drama of real life. Glad to be your friend!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:37 pm

      Thanks, Rick! The Code of Conduct charge is so bloody complicated that it would take several pages. I’m going to write it up and just put a link to it, so it won’t be a ‘post’ as such because it’s so long 😉 I’ll put a link to it in my next post 😀

      You’re so right about real life drama – and most of the time it ‘sucks’ because we can’t control it…if we wrote about it, not many would believe us!


  19. Jill Weatherholt / Mar 6 2013 9:55 am

    I always feel better after a good cry. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2013. Enjoy your new homestead, you deserve it!


  20. Janna G. Noelle / Mar 6 2013 9:59 am

    Wow, Dianne, “stressful year” is something of an understatement!

    I’m so happy that everything has culminated into this wonderful moment. The land around the house looks like a little slice of heaven. I know this is going to be such a relaxing and rejuvenating new experience for you.

    Can’t wait to see more pictures. 🙂


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:42 pm

      Thank you so much, Janna 🙂 The land is beautiful and once the house is on it’s ‘high stumps’ the fields of cane will look amazing. You can see the wind coming in waves across the cane and it’s just so incredibly peaceful (having said that – there is a tropical cyclone forming off the coast. Fingers crossed it doesn’t hit us!) 😯


  21. ly / Mar 6 2013 10:01 am

    Yes, a sobbing release of all of the past year while standing on the veranda of your new home makes perfect sense to me. What beautiful vistas! What a wonderful place to write!
    I can hardly wait for the housewarming party. Do they have those in Australia? I must make reservations to fly over.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:46 pm

      The housewarming party will be housewarming parties! Yes, we do have them here, Ly, and there will be many to choose from 😀


  22. Praussie / Mar 6 2013 10:05 am

    I too have MS. I’m very happy the way you guys survived all the trials you’ve been through. I love where you live. I used to live somewhere like that on Black Mountain near Cooroy, QLD. Enjoy and may God bless.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:52 pm

      Thank you so much for stopping by, Praussie 😀 This certainly is a magnificent country. Cooroy is near Noosa, I think, what a beautiful place to have lived. Thank you again for your kind thoughts 😀


  23. billyraychitwood1 / Mar 6 2013 10:06 am

    Hope you don’t mind terribly but I love you, hubby, your parents, Mr. Fluffy, and all the bittersweet beauty you share…if you can feel it, there’s a huge embrace in here for you all…


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 1:53 pm

      Awwwwww! This is so lovely! 😀 Thank you Billy Ray…


  24. EllaDee / Mar 6 2013 10:09 am

    I had to take a minute after I read your post. I’m so very happy for you that the moment came where you could let it all go, and let effects of the wonderful and brave choices you both have made settle into your spirit, and kick all the other crap to kingdom come. I had a couple of tears because that has been a huge load you both have been carrying, and neither carries their’s alone but there you are, settling the important matters first… ok, didn’t get bitten by snake or fall in hole 🙂
    I’m glad you shared the back story – it’s a hell of a way to go about getting a life. Like Mr Fluffy I’m smiling at you, and for you 😀


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:00 pm

      I thought long and hard about sharing the back story. If I said I just sobbed it would have made me sound like a nutty wimp! Normally I don’t share personal things, but I realised that this is the exception to the rule. It had to come out at some stage and I think that the house being there and standing looking at the beautiful vista made me realise how much I had been holding in for so long. Happiness can cause tears as much as sadness, but the happy ones release something inside the soul that needs to be ‘kicked to kingdom come’ as you say! 😀

      Thank you so much for ‘feeling it’ with me and for the beautiful smile 🙂


      • EllaDee / Mar 6 2013 2:43 pm

        The G.O. and I are big fans of the saying “no news is good news”, and while we feel like we’re in a holding pattern we’re grateful that we’re quietly making ground, having had our times where we’ve had plenty of news, none of it good… I admire how you’ve at least conveyed upbeat, made the best of what you’ve got and mustered together a plan when life sucked for when things got better.
        I’m curious, as are other commenters which is reassuring, about the erroneous Code of Conduct charge, as my best friend has a reasonably senior role within a govt agency (but not the ATO) in the ACT area, and having been the target of a complaint by a team member which really boils down to a personality conflict, has been subjected to endless and seemingly pointless mediation with no indication of an outcome of the process, due to a complainant who appears to enjoy the position of power as a result.
        If writing a post about your experience helps you to put it to rest, I’d say do it, but if it’s already there and writing about it will resusciate it unnecessarily, I’d say drop kick it.


      • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 5:46 am

        I’ve already written it all down, I just need to put a link to it from here which I’ll probably do next week. The ATO is a really strict place to work (IT wise) and the two years of complete disaster happened when I sent an email to my home address regarding an award people who worked there were going to receive. My email ended up with IT security and then another area who used a template to warn me about sending emails home. Unfortunately the template they used was still prefilled with the charge from a previous person who had illegally accessed tax payer information. But the ball was rolling and there was nothing I could do to stop it and I was charged and fined for something I hadn’t actually done – it was a nightmare. When I get the link up and running you should read it if you have time – it’s a very interesting and scary story about govt incompetence…


  25. nrhatch / Mar 6 2013 10:20 am

    It’s such a relief to reach the mountain top and breathe in such gorgeous vistas after enduring a long and arduous climb through the uncertain wilderness.

    Relax and enjoy the view . . . you’ve earned it! Stay well!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:02 pm

      Thank you so much, Nancy. That is exactly how I feel – I love the way you use these words to describe what I find so hard to verbalize. Thank you again, my friend 😀


  26. Naomi Baltuck / Mar 6 2013 10:31 am

    Dear Dianne,
    You have earned every one of those tears. I didn’t know what a horrible year it was for you. I’m so glad you have found your way–together–back into the sunshine again. Wishing you all the best for 2013 onward.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:05 pm

      Thank you so much, Naomi. I don’t normally talk about the bad side of life because I like to keep things up-beat. But now that entire situation is behind me I can see clearly enough to understand why the tears came. I love this sense of freedom… 😉


  27. / Mar 6 2013 11:24 am

    I had no idea what all you have been going through. That is one heck of a year and I agree those tears of release were well deserved. You go girl. And oh my gosh, the views are magnificent. Truly.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:11 pm

      I was going to mention that mother-in-law also has the beginnings of dementia (and that’s another reason we’re moving back to the farm) but thought better of it. That one will have to come in a future post. I’ve been following your alzheimer’s posts and may be calling on you in the near future when things start getting scary 😦

      I absolutely love the views, it’s almost – dare I say – ‘angelic’ 😀


  28. mcwoman / Mar 6 2013 11:43 am

    Holy cow, girl! What a year! Isn’t it amazing just how much you can take when life shits on you? With a beautiful view like the pictures above, I would cry tears of joy, too! What is it the Chinese proverb says:, One year of bad luck, seven years good luck? Wishing you a happy year! – Barb


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:12 pm

      Thank you, Barb. I’m looking forward to seven years good luck!! WOW – I love that saying 😀 Thank you for the beautiful wishes 😀


  29. 1girl4adamwest / Mar 6 2013 11:50 am

    You both have found your heaven on earth and my tears flow with yours for happiness is a treasure that strengthens us even in our sorrows. (((Hugs)))


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:15 pm

      I absolutely love your quotes! You put together such beautiful and profound words 😀 (((Hugs))) to you too, my friend


  30. Ruth Rainwater / Mar 6 2013 11:58 am

    Crying sounded like a perfectly reasonable reaction to me. What a beautiful hubby you have!! 2013 will be better – it already is!!


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:16 pm

      2013 has been amazing! I think the Mayans were right and the old days are gone – welcome to the Golden Age! Thank you so much for your best wishes, Ruth 😀


  31. T. W. Dittmer / Mar 6 2013 12:59 pm

    It is a wonderful view, and Hubby sounds pretty damned smart.



  32. justinwriter / Mar 6 2013 1:00 pm

    Wow, what a post! You two really have been put through the wringer over the last year. So your sobbing is a natural release valve for all the pressure building up. I see you both as young saplings finally allowed to grasp on to your parcel of land and grow strong with the RUC as a symbol of permanence. And those photos! Wow, looks like you’re floating on an emerald cloud.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:23 pm

      We will grasp onto this, Justin, and this is where we intend to stay for better or for worse 😀 Your words are absolutely beautiful – pure poetry!

      The cane fields have such a beautiful calming effect on everything. I’m pretty sure if we got a master of feng shui into the place they would absolutely love it! It is truly relaxation and calmness at it’s finest 😀


  33. sherrylcook / Mar 6 2013 2:08 pm

    I had no idea you had been going through so much. You deserve those fabulous views and a beautiful historic home. Take care sweetie… Everything is going to be ok.


    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 10:09 am

      Thank you so much, my darling! I’m sorry it took me so long to reply to your comment, but I only just found it in my spam folder (I have no idea why this happens ) 😯

      Thank you so much for this beautiful comment – I’ve got a great feeling everything is going to be ok 😀


  34. Sheila Morris / Mar 6 2013 2:13 pm

    I am wordless. Your last year was horrendous, and I am so sorry. I had pictured your retirement as the happy culmination of years of hard work with the opportunity to return to a country life you loved as a child. I admire your fortitude and believe that you are made of stronger stuff than the average bear and will rise from the ashes in the RUC. Bless you and your husband and Mr. Fluffy. I hope his smile is contagious and is the harbinger of changing fortunes! The Red Man sends paw snaps and twirls to you all from Texas.


    • diannegray / Mar 6 2013 2:27 pm

      Thank you, Sheila! I don’t often talk about the down side because I like to ‘share the happiness’ (so to speak). I was almost not going to put in the back story, but thought ‘damn it, why not!’ I had reason to cry tears of happiness and I want to do it again – it’s such a wonderful release 😀

      Red man – paw snaps to you and Mr Fluffy says ‘hello, come in for a swim one day!’ 😀


  35. jannatwrites / Mar 6 2013 4:04 pm

    Oh my gosh, you’ve had a year of ups and downs – I’m glad your emotions came out as joyful tears. (Your view is gorgeous, by the way.) I’m so glad you’ve found your way through the trials and have found yourself in a peaceful place.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 5:58 am

      Thank you, Janna, it certainly is a peaceful place (in more ways than one) 😀 I absolutely love that view – now I wish they’d just hurry up and get it all finished so I can move in! 😉


  36. harulawordsthatserve / Mar 6 2013 4:46 pm

    Hello dear Dianne. What a touching story. Reading you describing the sobbing I could almost hear it – those deep, primal, other worldly sounds of release. You are SUCH an inspiration, getting through a year like that and entertaining all us loyal followers and reading our blogs too, being there for others while your world was threatening to collapse. Your a star! And with hubby too, well, together…you guys are a galaxy!!!!


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:04 am

      I LOVE being a galaxy! Woo hoo, you’ve made my day, Harula 😀


  37. Spider42 / Mar 6 2013 5:14 pm

    Your hubby is definitely right and kudos for keeping it together as long as you did over such a hectic year.
    I wish you all the best for the time ahead, a new place, a new start and from what I can see in these pictures you’ve got a place now that is so beautiful it almost brought a tear to my eye. Mr. Fluffy looks damn happy too.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:06 am

      Awww – thank you! The place is absolutely lovely and its a brand new start with good health and happiness. There will certainly be a lot more writing going on 😉


  38. The Wrought Writer / Mar 6 2013 5:36 pm

    That’s a whole heck of heap for anyone to cope with. I had no idea. You have such a beautiful way about you, Dianne. Keep on, keepin’ on.

    And when I wished you health to enjoy it the other day…? Well, let’s kick that up a notch. 😉


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:07 am

      YAY! It’s up several notches now! Thank you so much 😀


  39. bodhisattvaintraining / Mar 6 2013 5:40 pm

    Tears here for what you’ve been through and I didn’t realise you’d been in such a long tunnel.

    Gorgeous view you’ve got….and yes I’d like to read about the two year fight but not if it brings stress back for you – let’s look at the house and view instead x


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:11 am

      That two years is over now and I’ve already written everything down (hey, I’m a writer – I couldn’t help it!) LOL 😉 The whole thing started with the simple act of me sending an email to my home address and it just went haywire from there. It’s actually quite a bizarre story (and scary for those of us who deal with large govt. departments).

      I love my views – ahhhhh, such relaxation 😀


      • bodhisattvaintraining / Mar 10 2013 12:26 pm

        Read it – agreed it’s scary. We go through things at work in dealing with other organisations whereby it goes round and round and round like that and it could be so easily fixed by one person in minutes grrrrrr



      • diannegray / Mar 10 2013 7:10 pm

        SO true! It’s annoying that the ATO probably spent close to 50k in wages just stuffing around with it for two years, when it could have just been a ‘nothing to see here, move along’, moment! 😀


  40. the eternal traveller / Mar 6 2013 6:07 pm

    Oh my Dianne, that is some story. But I’m so glad to read that you have emerged from the tunnel in one piece. You are so positive in your posts. Enjoy your retirement now in your soon-to-be beautiful new home.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:18 am

      Thank you so much! Retirement is really suiting me well! I love the peace and relaxation I find I’m in at the moment. I’m certainly going to enjoy it and make the most of it every day 😀


      • the eternal traveller / Mar 7 2013 7:45 am

        We are both looking forward to that stage of our lives, but we’re not quite there yet.


  41. ramblingsfromamum / Mar 6 2013 7:06 pm

    I shall respond with a typical Aussie answer “Bloody hell woman” I had no idea. You have tackled a great deal in a few years and no wonder you sobbed. You have every life is starting to turn for you to find a happier and more contented you in such beautiful surroundings would make anyone cry with happiness and sadness, mixed emotions all gone crazy in a female brain. We are females – we are emotional and when we release we sob – so I hand you a tissue and give you a big hug from your mate down in Melbourne. xxxx


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:21 am

      Thanks, dear one! Now it’s time to do the Aussie thing, pick myself up and carry on! Oi Oi Oi 😀

      As I say when I’m watching the footy – I love a good turning point 😉


  42. Seabell / Mar 6 2013 7:45 pm

    Those are good tears. I am happy for you. 🙂


  43. Rohan 7 Things / Mar 6 2013 10:17 pm

    Aww, what a lovely post Dianne! And what a crazy year!! I hope the arrival of the RUC marks the beginning of a more peaceful and prosperous time 🙂

    God where you live is stunningly beautiful, you’ll have such great views once the house is propped up as well!

    Thanks for sharing Dianne, keep well, enjoy the good things 🙂



    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:23 am

      I’m so looking forward to it, Rohan! All I want to do now when I walk onto that veranda is write! YAY! 😀


  44. jahnosecret / Mar 6 2013 10:47 pm

    Thank you for sharing such honestly-expressed words of emotional passage, truly baring your soul. You have met the suffering and so will always be a artist. May peace and blessings follow you and your loved ones. Oh yeah, nice dog pics!



    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:24 am

      Thank you, Michael! Suffering is a bit part of life and if we can get through to the other side, it’s a huge bonus 😉


  45. Zen A. / Mar 7 2013 1:11 am

    Aww, Dianne, you went through so much in 2012, and you definitely needed a good cry after all that. Here’s hoping for a much better 2013! The view you have from your new home is incredible, and I don’t know if I said this before, but that dog is too darn adorable, haha.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:26 am

      I’m very confident that 2013 is gong to be a great year! Thank you so much, Zen, you have been such a wonderful blogging friend to me 😀


  46. Photos With Finesse / Mar 7 2013 2:43 am

    You clearly needed that cry – and apparently so did I – thanks for the release. <>. It’s amazing your hubby survived pancreatic cancer. That’s a tough one! A friend of mine lost her battle with it, but had you known her and the other challenges she faced in the two years prior to it, I honestly think she went ‘to a better place – at peace’ in the end. As for the MS, hopefully the change in lifestyle will help that. Relaxation on the porch of the RUC with those gorgeous views in front of you. (Once the challenges of rebuilding have settled.) I have another friend whose symptoms reduced dramatically with a major change in diet (discovered a few specific triggers), a good chiropractor and reduction in stress. She is virtually medication free now.

    So here’s to a positive 2013, with a fresh start and more tears of happiness if necessary! Love the pics – especially of Mr. Fluffy’s smile! 😀


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:35 am

      Its amazing how my MS symptoms have slowed considerably since I’ve been here (from cold dry climate to warm tropical climate). I’m not on medication because I’m nowhere near ill enough for that (in fact, I show very few signs – I actually had the brain scan because of numbness in my hands and knees and those were my only symptoms). The numbness is almost gone now. I’m getting a lot of vitamin D and relaxation and I’m pretty sure this is the reason for the improvement.
      The pancreatic cancer was a huge worry because the survival rate is so low. But he’s doing well 😀

      Thank you so much for coming, Suzan, and tears ARE good! 😀


  47. Corner of Confessions / Mar 7 2013 3:31 am

    Sorry you had such a stressful year. I’m very relieved to read things are turning about and it was HAPPY tears you shed. You deserve that!


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:36 am

      The only good tear is a happy tear! Thank you so much for coming by 😀


  48. ocdreader / Mar 7 2013 3:44 am

    Dang Dianne! What a crazy year filled with junky things, yet peppered with a few good. That definitely deserved a cathartic cry! I hope the RUC marks a turn-around, it is definitely placed in a gorgeous setting.
    Sending good vibes your way. Enjoy Mr. Fluffy, he has a great smile 🙂


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:38 am

      Thank you, Elisa! It was a crazy year where everything was thrown in my direction. Now I’m sitting on the other side of the fence, relaxed and happy and looking forward to the RUC. I actually have an overwhelming urge to write every time I sit on that veranda! YAY 😀


      • ocdreader / Mar 7 2013 8:55 am

        That is a perfect place then! Love it. 🙂


  49. starproms / Mar 7 2013 5:40 am

    What a year you had in 2012! Why is it that some years are like that? I do hope sincerely that this year will be better. Sorry to hear you have multiple scherosis. I hope you can keep that under control as much as possible. Sending you loving wishes from England 🙂 Loved the pictures, by the way. It’s so full of space there, isn’t it. and the dog’s gorgeous.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:42 am

      Thank you, Oma 😀 The MS is very slight and I seem to be improving with the change of climate (from cold and dry to warm and tropical). I’ve heard vitamin D can play a big role in helping to keep these things at bay and I’m certainly getting a lot of that here 😀

      I just know 2013 will be a wonderful year for all of us 😉


  50. Denise Hisey / Mar 7 2013 6:23 am

    I had tears of joy this week, too, Dianne. 😉
    Love your blog, and your honesty!


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 6:44 am

      Tears of joy are the only tears for me now, Denise! I’m glad you had them as well 😀


  51. Roy McCarthy / Mar 7 2013 7:31 am

    Dianne, every best wish for a better 2013. Despite your tribulations you go out of your way to help, support and encourage others. It’s a lesson for those who think only of themselves. Thank you for your inspiration.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 8:52 am

      Thank you so much for your best wishes, Roy. It just goes to show that there can be a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel! 😀


  52. char / Mar 7 2013 7:36 am

    What a year you’ve had. You deserved a good happy cry to clear your chest. Love that quote by your husband about one tear of happiness worth more than a million sad ones.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 8:55 am

      I loved it too. I asked him if he’d heard it somewhere and he said it just popped into his head 😀 I totally agree that a good cry (with tears of happiness) is a wonderful way to clear everything off your chest 😉


  53. Sheila / Mar 7 2013 8:05 am

    Now you’re making me cry! 🙂 But then the photos made me smile. I’m sure this year will be overflowing with beauty and adventure. I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying both so far.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 8:57 am

      Thank you so much, Sheila 😀 I’m really glad the photos made you smile – smiling is the BEST and I’m sure this is going to be a great year for all of us! 😀


  54. Peter / Mar 7 2013 9:46 am


    You know I am not afraid to spend a few words to say something, but sometimes words totally fail to convey what one is really feeling.

    After reading this post let me simply say, “thank you for sharing.”



    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 11:23 am

      Thank you, Peter. The future is looking very bright these days and it’s good to know that even though we can go through very dark tunnels, they often have a light at the end (and not a speeding train) 😀


  55. 4amWriter / Mar 7 2013 10:13 am

    Wow, you have had quite a lot going on. You and your husband are lucky to have each other, through thick and thin. I think it’s kind of funny that almost automatically he thought you were crying because you’d gotten hurt rather than an emotional reason–probably due to your history of self-inflicted injuries, right?! 😉

    I love the pictures. A smiling dog gets me every time.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 11:25 am

      I found it funny as well! Snake? Accident? Um… no …maybe it’s a psychological trauma! LOL 😀 The world is looking very bright these days – and I’m loving it 😀


  56. jmmcdowell / Mar 7 2013 1:11 pm

    I had no idea you and your husband had been through so much! No wonder the tears simply had to come out for an emotional release. I hope 2013 will bring you calmer days and new happy memories as you set up your new home.


    • diannegray / Mar 7 2013 3:09 pm

      The days have been a lot calmer in 2013. Things are really looking great at the moment and crying those tears of happiness was a big relief for me (yet uncontrollable unfortunately – and I say ‘unfortunately’ because I like to think I have a lot of control!) Thank you so much for coming over and offering your best wishes, JM 😀


  57. DaydreamsinWonderland / Mar 7 2013 5:19 pm

    Very happy for you, Dianne. 🙂 Such a beautiful open space that is. I could almost smell the fresh air in those photos.


    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 6:47 am

      It is a very beautiful space indeed – I’m absolutely loving it! 😀


  58. Vikki Thompson / Mar 7 2013 7:58 pm

    Awwwww, honey! 🙂

    HUGE happy (((((hugs)))))



    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 6:48 am

      Thank you, my darling! 😀 HUGE happy (((((hugs))))) right back at you 😀


  59. bulldog / Mar 7 2013 11:29 pm

    How flipping beautiful a view… what a year and now to be almost settled… I can’t wait to read the following blogs from one happy person…


    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 6:51 am

      Thank you, Bulldog! The house should be livable in about a month! woo hoo – can’t wait 😀


  60. Britt Skrabanek / Mar 8 2013 12:19 am

    So, I started reading your book last night (finally! I know…I’ve been drowning in Yoga books for months), then I had a dream about you last night, which I can’t remember currently but I know you were there, and lastly I woke up today and read this post…and cried.

    You are such an awesome human – just all around awesome. Your writing is incredible, your stories are true, your humor is lovely. I am so happy for your happiness.


    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 6:53 am

      Awww – thank you so much, Britt! I love sneaking into people’s dreams 😉 I really hope you like the book and I’ll take your compliments any day of the week! I feel humbled 😀


  61. Anna Scott Graham / Mar 8 2013 12:57 am

    Oh sweetie, that’s about five years dumped into one! I’ve had those moments where it all just tumbles forth, no words, just tears. So glad Hubby was there to give you such a beautiful truth, and of course that he was just there, period. 🙂

    I love those pics, can’t wait to see more. Sending you much love, and getting settled RUC happy vibes!


    • diannegray / Mar 8 2013 6:55 am

      I’m so glad hubby was there as well – there was a time when I thought he wouldn’t be, so any moment we have now is precious 😀

      I’ve redesigned the interior of the house and will have my own writer’s nook on a back veranda (that I haven’t shown here). I can’t wait to show it to you! 😀


      • Anna Scott Graham / Mar 8 2013 8:00 am

        I can’t wait to see it!!! 🙂


  62. agjorgenson / Mar 8 2013 11:58 am

    My gosh, what a year! May peace and blessing come your way. Thank you for sharing this gift of yourself. I love the photos. What astounding beauty. That in itself is enough to bring tears.


  63. Jacqui Murray / Mar 8 2013 1:23 pm

    OK, I’m totally distracted by that darling dog. What was this post about???


  64. moderndayruth / Mar 8 2013 5:16 pm

    Dianne, you are beautiful and strong and all in all AMAZING! I knew some of it, but i didn’t know all of what happen to your family in 2012! I admire your spirit and the capability to write like you do in such difficult times! I wish you all the best during 2013 – and here is a general reading i did for you for the year:
    (with Magical Forest, the 5 card Horseshoe + clarifier: The Hanged Man, 4 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, Temperance, King of Chalices +4 of Swords; base – 5 of Swords, bottom card – the Fool.)
    Diane, let alone all the mystical interpretations of the Hanged Man, he does denote difficult circumstances – and here we have him in the position of the Cause. The base card is 5oS – i’d say, as loving and caring as you are towards your inlaws and everyone else – please, do take care of yourself first, ok? Like a mother that an airplane should first put oxygen mask on herself – and afterwards on her kid – you too, you need to make sure your own needs are taken care of FIRST. In position of now we have 4oP – it does speak of a need to save and all in all of certain restriction that need to be made in this period of time. What we have in pos. of Unforseen is a card i am very happy to see here – 4 of Cups, it says the problems will indeed solve themselves, on their own. I am not sure how – but it is going to happen, simply circumstances will become favorable and all of it will change for better – without some particular effort from your side. We have Temperance in position of Advice – it’s one of the most mystical cards, but also one of the most difficult to read in a practical, down-to earth way… As much as it’s related to all things mystical – finding the middle way, the alchemical tempering of metals and even to reincarnation – like all Major Arcanum, in a reading it usually gives quite an applicable advice; i am not sure what is it saying here (albeit i know it’s just AWESOME when it comes out in a reading), but i feel it’s saying you should indeed write about what was going on in 2012 and definitely on how you cleared the charges! Let alone that’s it’s most inspiring to read about individual versus system cases – particularly when it’s the the individual who won – that’s the way how we, the writers, co-create the reality, by transforming the Darkness into the Light in our own writing. We have King of Cups in the pos. of outcome and i feel he is literally referring to a helpful (male) individual, compassionate and emphatic person who’ll assist you; i pulled another card – and got one of my favorites – 4 of Swords which does say ‘rest assured’ that the outcome will be optimal for everyone involved! At the bottom of the deck we have my beloved Fool which does indicate a great new beginning for you guys. I’ll be following your work and everything that will be happening with interest and much love xxxx


    • diannegray / Mar 9 2013 6:27 am

      This is absolutely fantastic, Lena! I’m so flattered that you took the time to do a reading for me.

      I’m glad the Hanged Man is in the position of Cause (because this makes a lot of sense to me!) I can totally relate to taking care if others first and this is something that’s become painfully clear to me only in the last few days. I’m also glad Temperance came out in the reading – there are so many things I need to write about (and the clearing my name of the charges is one of the main ones). The King of Cups is an interesting one because this could be one of several people who are assisting me at the moment and I’m putting a lot of faith in them so it will be interesting to see where this leads 😉

      You are an amazing and very talented lady. Thank you so much, my dear friend! 😀


      • moderndayruth / Mar 9 2013 7:44 am

        Thank you that you are, dear Dianne! Glad it made sense 🙂


  65. maggiemyklebust / Mar 8 2013 5:57 pm

    You’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry. But now you have your RUC and its in a beautiful location (looks like a very inspirational place to write). The land is beautiful and lush. Be happy, you deserve it!


    • diannegray / Mar 9 2013 6:29 am

      Thank you so much, Maggie 😀 I’ve just come up with an idea for a ‘writer’s nook’ in the RUC and I’m very excited about it. Once it’s finished I’ll be taking more pics 😀


  66. Amanda / Mar 9 2013 9:40 am

    You’ve had quite a time of it! Glad to see you’re taking time out for yourself now to enjoy life 🙂


  67. The Bumble Files / Mar 9 2013 10:06 am

    Dianne, I didn’t you were going through all of that! No wonder you needed to sob. I’m glad you let it all out and had your husband there to comfort you. I hope you have some peace here at the RUC. It looks lovely! 2013 will be a better year!


    • diannegray / Mar 11 2013 3:04 pm

      Thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts 😀 I’m sure this will be a better year all round! 😀


  68. ripe red berries / Mar 10 2013 1:02 pm

    WOW! I had no idea – what a year you’ve all had, yikes! I am so happy you were finally able to let it all out….enjoy, enjoy, enjoy…(: Your views look amazing…happy building!!


    • diannegray / Mar 10 2013 7:20 pm

      Thank you so much 😀 It’s been a bad year and I guess they just happen sometimes (let’s just hope not THAT often!) 😉


  69. cashbackmonster / Mar 11 2013 2:53 pm

    I’m not getting notifications of your new posts anymore… ??? Have to figure out how that happened and fix it! So I wandered over here to see what’s been going on, and wow! what a huge year! But also what a beautiful place! I’m glad you have your husband and your puppies around you. They really are the best family! Without my husband and furbabies, I don’t know what I’d be doing with myself! xox


    • diannegray / Mar 11 2013 3:03 pm

      Something has been happening to my notifications as well and I’m trying to keep on top of it, so I completely understand 😀

      I’m so glad you like the place. There is a lot to do and it’s been a hell of a year! But things are really looking up now. Thank you so much for coming over and wishing me your best 😀


  70. R. Ban / Mar 11 2013 11:09 pm

    May I say what a beautiful view that is….you live here?!! WOW. And this post shows the strength that lies within you to face these challenges. You are in my prayers. Best wishes coming your way.


    • diannegray / Mar 11 2013 11:55 pm

      Thank you so much – what lovely thoughts and words. I’m so glad you like the place and the views.It’s wonderful the way things have worked out and I totally accept your best wishes with a big *hug*! 😀


  71. pommepal / Mar 11 2013 11:11 pm

    Oh Dianne you so deserve to have a peaceful year in 2013. 2012 was your year annushorriblus (not sure if that is spelt right, but it is how the Queen described a bad year.) Thank you for sharing your beautiful views with us. Poor Mr Fluffy looks as though he was asking you if there were any crocs around then gave a sigh of relief when he knew it was all clear


    • diannegray / Mar 11 2013 11:58 pm

      LOL! Poor Fluffy. He’d hate to see a croc 😯

      I totally agree with the Queen on the annushorriblus comment – if that was the worst year I will ever see in my life, I’m very happy 😀


  72. bluebee / Mar 17 2013 8:11 am

    That is one helluva year, Dianne! The high incidence of multiple sclerosis in Australia is mystifying – hope it is not affecting your quality of life too much. It certainly doesn’t seem to have slowed you down. You’re one helluva inspiration, Girl!


    • diannegray / Mar 17 2013 8:27 am

      The high incidence of multiple sclerosis in Australia is very mystifying. I read things that say it may be a ‘climate’ thing and lack of Vit D and the fact that it happens more in the colder states. But no one really knows. Mine is so slight that when I tell people they say, ‘really?’ and look me up and down (LOL). I have very few symptoms (slight numbness in the hands and occasional ‘flash’ headaches that last for about 2 seconds). I try to keep as active as possible and having a two story house now will really keep my on my toes. Hubby has build ‘lifts’ in houses before and tells me that if there is ever time when I’m struggling he’ll do it in the RUC. But I’m pretty sure my MS is so slight that it will stay static for many years (it’s certainly not going to get the better of me) 😀

      I’ve rambled on a bit here, but thank you so much for coming over and giving me a bit of a lift today 😀


  73. Piper George / Mar 18 2013 6:04 pm

    What a horrendous year. I hope so much this one is better for you. New year, new home, new start. A good sob can do wonders.


    • diannegray / Mar 19 2013 6:46 am

      It’s not often we cry tears of joy, Piper! They’re certainly worth bottling for a rainy day! Thank you so much for the beautiful thoughts 😀


  74. eof737 / Mar 24 2013 11:57 am

    My goodness, dear Dianne, I had no idea… I was in tears too and peeked and saw your ” I’m happy!” It made my day. 🙂
    You’re an amazing woman and I send you and hubby love, hugs, and healing light. I’d love to hear that Code of Conduct story some day.
    Take care dear one and be strong.


    • diannegray / Mar 25 2013 5:56 am

      It certainly was a very bad year – but the entire universe has shifted now and things seem to have ‘righted’ themselves. It’s amazing the things life throws at us 😉


  75. WordsFallFromMyEyes / Mar 30 2013 1:28 pm

    Aw, love Mr Fluffy 🙂 Great photos all, actually.
    You’re an amazingly strong woman. Humans never cease to amaze me. What a year – no, make that ‘what a f*KING YEAR!!!’.

    Happy todays & evers.


    • diannegray / Mar 31 2013 6:28 am

      LOL – I should have called this post ‘what a f*KING YEAR!!!’ because that’s what it felt like 😯

      Thank you so much for your ‘happy todays & evers’ – I love that! 😀



  1. A surprise visitor | Dianne Gray author

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