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February 13, 2013 / diannegray

The worst salesman in the world

Tuesday morning I was sitting in the backyard working on my WIPs and drinking coffee (I know – I lead such an exciting life).

Behind me at the driveway gate I heard someone call out, ‘Excuse me!’

Both dogs barked like they were going to eat someone, but in reality they just thought another toy-throwing victim had arrived.

I turned around to see a tall young man holding a clip-board. I told him to go to the front door so the dogs wouldn’t eat him (liar, liar, pants on fire).

He was wearing a cap over short blonde hair and had a nose that looked a bit like a gherkin (I notice these things). He had neat long shorts (not the ones that hang down to reveal the bum crack – so that was a plus), a nice collared polo shirt and clean runners with short white socks.

Here’s how the conversation went –

HimGood morning

MeGood morning

HimHow are you today

MeGood

HimI’m not here to ask for money

MeGood

HimThis is my first day at this

MeCongratulations

HimThank you

Me – {Waiting silently for him to do his spiel}

HimDid you take the day off work?

MeI’ve retired from my day job

HimI see

Me – {Waiting silently for him to do his spiel}

Him – Do you ever go to the beach?

Me – No (liar, liar pants on fire)

HimOh, okay. Well I guess this isn’t for you

MeI guess not then

HimOkay

Mehave a nice day and good luck

Door closed

I felt a bit sorry for him as he went from door to door down the street. What was he trying to sign people up to? It’s certainly got me beat…

Below is a famous artist’s impression of what he looks like.

Salesman

 

If you know this guy, please give him some advice on how to sell his wares (whatever they may be).

Because this character was so confusing I thought I’d write about him for the weekly challenge – characters

Have you ever been confused or confounded by a salesperson?

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163 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. JackieP / Feb 13 2013 9:37 am

    doubt he lasted the day. It takes a special personality to do sales, especially cold sales. Poor guy. Loved your portrait though 🙂

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 9:45 am

      I think you really have to have the right personality. I felt sorry for him because I would probably have been his easiest sell for the day (if I knew what it was he was selling)! 😉

      Like

  2. Polysyllabic Profundities / Feb 13 2013 9:44 am

    My mom had a salesperson call her house and ask for my dad. Since he passed away in 2006, my mom replied that he was deceased. The salesperson responded by saying thank you, and they would call back tomorrow. Apparently the script in their binder didn’t cover death!!

    Like

  3. Piper George / Feb 13 2013 9:51 am

    That’s brilliant. Poor lad. I do love to confuse salesmen. My latest tactic is to try to sell things back to them.
    Salesperson ‘HI, we are offering a promotion in your area. Are you interested in buying new windows?’
    Me ‘Are you interested in buying a new kitchen?’
    Salesperson ‘erm . . .’

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:19 am

      LOL! I love this! I should have sold the guy one of my books. Good grief – I’m not a good salesperson either 😦

      Next time I’m taking your advice and I’ll test myself to see if I can sell them something 😀

      Like

    • adinparadise / Feb 13 2013 11:38 am

      Brilliant idea. I must remember that. Thanks. 🙂

      Like

  4. Maddie Cochere / Feb 13 2013 9:51 am

    I love that guy; his nose is classic. I sent him to your house! He was selling pre-made towel headdresses for the beach!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:21 am

      HAAAAAAAAA – oh dear, I was halfway through drinking my coffee when I read this and now it’s all over my screen! Of course that’s what he was selling! Why didn’t it occur to me? LOL 😀

      Like

  5. justinwriter / Feb 13 2013 9:57 am

    Hehe, sounds a bit like a weirdo to me. Perhaps he was just sussing out the new neighbour. Did you check to see if he went to other houses? I’m trying to connect the beach to something requiring a survey, but …

    We get religious people knocking on our door sometimes. I open the door and ask which religion. They tell me and I say sorry, wrong religion, have a nice day and close the door. I might appear rude, but isn’t knocking on my door also rude?

    At least you now have a new character you can develop. 🙂

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:31 am

      I did see him knocking on other doors and if he was sussing the place out – he wasn’t very subtle about it (besides, I’ve got that brilliant picture to show the cops if anything happens!) 😉

      I think it’s pretty rude knocking on people’s doors to sell things (particularly religion) and telephone marking is the pits (that’s one of the reasons I don’t have a land-line).

      This guy is definitely going in one of my stories… 😀

      Like

      • justinwriter / Feb 13 2013 11:37 am

        I’m sure the photo will help them. 🙂 Oh, I just worked it out. He was organising a car pool to the beach to save on fuel. Of course, he can’t drive himself as he has a severe case of epilepsy, but he goes to the beach every weekend because his son’s a nipper (surf life saving) …

        Like

      • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:22 pm

        Actually, now I come to think of it – he was wearing a surf life saving cap! 😉 oh dear…

        Like

  6. danpentagram / Feb 13 2013 10:01 am

    Ms Gray, you most certainly have a way with words! So funny. TBH – when i see people approaching me i usually so I’ve already got it, or a member already. Works every time

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:33 am

      I probably would have said I already had it if I’d known what he was selling 😀 I think I missed a great opportunity to sell him one of my books! LOL 😉

      Like

  7. Carrie Rubin / Feb 13 2013 10:02 am

    What a great laugh your drawing gave me, even if it was at the poor lad’s expense. But now I’m really curious as to what he was up to!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:35 am

      Me too, Carrie and I kinda felt sorry for him, but if you come to my door you’ve got to expect the worst 😉

      Like

      • Carrie Rubin / Feb 13 2013 10:42 am

        Haha. That could be my motto, too.

        Like

  8. the Jotter's Joint / Feb 13 2013 10:11 am

    That’s so sad but incrediblely funny.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:38 am

      If he puts himself in my life he needs to be shared with the world 😉 Though I still don’t know what he was trying to sell. If he ever comes back, I’ll make sure I ask him 😀

      Like

  9. 1girl4adamwest / Feb 13 2013 10:23 am

    Ha! The pic is priceless! I tell them I don’t speak to strangers. Tis true!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:42 am

      There’s really nothing worse than a stranger coming to your door. I spoke to him through the locked screen. I write too many murder stories to ever trust that ‘normal’ looking people are trustworthy. If he is a serial-killer I’ve got the picture to show the police! LOL 😀

      Like

  10. EllaDee / Feb 13 2013 10:24 am

    Gherkin nose… love it… I’m assuming shape not colour…
    Hilarious recount of a very weird encounter, and possibly character. What on earth could he be selling for the beach? Maybe after he found out you were ‘retired’, he figured you wouldn’t be spending up big. Do timeshare apartments sell door to door like they do on Cavill Ave in Surfers I wonder? Did you not even let the dogs have a sniff?
    I have a favourite memory of a furaphobic insurance salesman sitting arms & knees clenched to his body, on the couch amid our 2 rottweilers and 2 cats who had strategically placed themselves around him, staring, waiting… Same guy made the mistake of assuming later he could come into the yard and onto the porch unescorted, reconsidered quickly in one leap over the front fence as a rottie hit the inside of the screen door with full force…

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:50 am

      He seriously wouldn’t have had a chance with the dogs. A rottweiler and german shepherd. They’re friendly and want to play if they know I’m comfortable with a person, but I wouldn’t trust them to be so nice if they thought I was in trouble 😯

      I love ‘furaphobic’ – what a great word! Your rottie did a great job scaring him away like that – this is why I absolutely love my dogs (or most dogs), they’re absolute champions when it comes to keeping strangers in their place.

      I really don’t know what he was selling at the beach – although Maddie suggested it may have been my ‘towel hat’! LOL 😀

      Like

      • EllaDee / Feb 13 2013 10:53 am

        I love furaphobic people… love to torture them with fur…
        LOL @ Maddie’s comment… I can only imagine the salesman’s reaction if you’d been wearing your ‘towel hat’…

        Like

      • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:56 am

        Hahahaha! I wish I’d have grabbed it and asked him if he wanted to buy it 😀

        Like

  11. Jill Weatherholt / Feb 13 2013 10:28 am

    Being the suspicious person that I am, I think he was casing the neighborhood. Of course, with a nose like that, he’ll be easily identified.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:45 pm

      So true, Jill. Now I’ve got the pic to show the police if anything happens 😉

      I’m on the suspicious side as well (it comes with the territory when you write murder stories) 😀

      Like

  12. bulldog / Feb 13 2013 10:43 am

    I can actually picture the conversation… they never get much from me… I always ask if they had made an appointment… if not please make one and come back then…

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:53 am

      I love it and must remember that if it ever happens again 😉 I think this is probably the longest conversation I’ve ever had with a stranger at my door. It was just so weird… 😯

      Like

  13. rasajack / Feb 13 2013 10:54 am

    I could just picture this guy awkwardly conversing with you,you did an amazing descriptive job and my image of him matched the stick figure I can tell you. As for the conversation I think you dodged a bullet. As painful as it was for both of you, thanks for sharing I learned something from you on how to rid myself of nuisance salesman in the future. Great blog that certainly put a smile on my face 🙂

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 10:57 am

      Thanks so much! I’m really glad you enjoyed it (and the wonderful, accurate picture – LOL) 😀

      Like

  14. Sheila Morris / Feb 13 2013 11:27 am

    I so love this story…poor guy. No cracker there, eh?

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:14 pm

      Not the sharpest tool in the shed (as my father would have said) 😉

      Like

  15. Kozo / Feb 13 2013 11:31 am

    Actually, Dianne, you got played. He wasn’t selling anything. He just wanted to get more social media exposure. Now his photo and nose have become household names.
    I love how his opening line after “how are you?” is “I’m not here to ask for money.” I wonder if that is in the script. You were so gracious, yet funny in your responses–good/congratulations. You would make a great first date.
    I love how you take ordinary daily events and turn them into hilarious, intriguing stories. Thanks for being the one and only you. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:21 pm

      Oh, Kozo – I’m laughing so much at your comment! He did want social media exposure and now his picture is plastered all over the internet 😀
      I make a wonderful ‘first date; – ‘yes’, ‘no’ ‘maybe’ LOL 😉

      The best thing about writing of everyday events is the thrill I get when I read the comments. I’ve found myself laughing a lot this morning because everyone here is so clever and incredibly witty 😀

      Big {{{Hugs}}} to you my dear friend 😀

      Like

  16. adinparadise / Feb 13 2013 11:40 am

    Well he certainly looks harmless enough, and that conversation is hilarious. You must weave it into one of your novels; he sounds like such an interesting character. 😆

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:25 pm

      He’s definitely earned himself a spot in one of my novels! Now I just have a to find a character silly enough to stand at the front door and talk to him 😀

      Like

  17. Britt Skrabanek / Feb 13 2013 11:41 am

    Oh, poor Gherkin nose! What’s with the door-to-door selling? Do people still do that?!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:27 pm

      I thought it died out in the 70s, Britt (I hope I wasn’t having a 70s flashback) 😉

      I was a bit surprised, but even more surprised when he didn’t tell me what he was selling. Maybe he took one look at the towel hat I was wearing and decided to step back slowly 😀

      Like

  18. Ruth Rainwater / Feb 13 2013 11:49 am

    I’ve had all sorts of salespeople knocking on my door since we moved in selling everything from religion to housecleaning. And I love it when the first thing they say is “I’m not selling anything”. Yeah, right, and I’m the Queen of Sheba!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:31 pm

      WOW! Ruth aka – the Queen of Sheba! I love it LOL 😀

      I’ve decided to leave some of my books inside the front door so next time I’ve got something I can sell them. Great marketing ploy! 😉

      Like

  19. nrhatch / Feb 13 2013 12:05 pm

    You are funny. You have a way with words. And you can draw Pinochio! 😀

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:35 pm

      LOL – THAT’S who he was! Maybe he wanted to get to the beach to find Geppetto! 😀 Now I know why I love you so much, Nancy! 😉

      Like

    • nrhatch / Feb 13 2013 12:59 pm

      OMG . . . what if HIS nose grows when prospective customers lie TO him? It could be twice as big as before after his visit to your house!

      If you make Pinocchio a character in one of your novels, you could chat about the correlation between the size of a man’s nose and the size of his “family jewels.” 😉

      Like

      • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 1:24 pm

        LOL! Particularly if they grow when he lies 😀

        Like

  20. jmgoyder / Feb 13 2013 12:20 pm

    I am cracking up laughing!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:38 pm

      Glad you liked it, Julie. It’s great to have a good gut chuckle! 😀

      Like

  21. ly / Feb 13 2013 12:25 pm

    Selling is difficult. I should know. I was a Girl Scout for 10 years. (But the cookies were delicious and actually sold themselves.)
    Did you ever find out what he was selling? Interesting…

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 12:39 pm

      No I didn’t, Ly. I wish I knew. Maybe he didn’t know hat he was selling. It was all very odd 😯

      Like

  22. Janna G. Noelle / Feb 13 2013 2:09 pm

    Maybe it’s a new sales tactic to hook the potential buyer’s interest, albeit one that didn’t work on you. My curiosity would have totally gotten the better of me; I’d insist upon knowing what he was selling (most likely to my own detriment, though, since I actually can’t stand it when people try to sell me things).

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 4:35 pm

      I hadn’t thought of that, Janna. Maybe it’s the ‘new psychology of sales’ – the salesman comes to your door and then tells you that you probably wouldn’t be interested in what he has got on offer. D’oh! I totally missed that one. LOL 😀

      Like

  23. donnajeanmcdunn / Feb 13 2013 2:11 pm

    No, but I’m pretty sure I probably was him at sometime or other! I really suck at selling stuff.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 4:36 pm

      I really suck at selling stuff too, Donna. I should have put the hard sell on him to buy one of my books! 😉

      Like

  24. agjorgenson / Feb 13 2013 2:15 pm

    I’m pretty sure the portrait isn’t by Gerhard Richter: too realistic. Actually, I have a sales story. We once succumbed to a “free gift” offer, that was preceded by a sales call. We sat through a young man trying to sell a vacuum cleaner that “absolutely everyone must have, or their health is in danger.” At the end of his spiel, I asked him if he owned one. He said he couldn’t afford one, and I said neither could we. We had to send in a voucher for the prize. We tossed it.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 4:45 pm

      Oh, Allan, that’s a classic – and I love the way you were so cool about it 😀

      Like

  25. bodhimoments / Feb 13 2013 2:35 pm

    poor guy! I see myself in him…. though I always made a valiant attempt to finish my script.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 4:50 pm

      Maybe he left his script in his other pair of pants 😉 I’m hopeless at selling as well. I could never do a job like that 😯

      Like

  26. Hazy Shades of Me / Feb 13 2013 3:04 pm

    Ah ha ha ha ha….is all I have to say! And, ah ha ha ha!! Aww, but I do feel a tad achy for him. 😦 He’ll have to toughen up, for sure!

    I thought you were going to run after him….

    Like

  27. Photos With Finesse / Feb 13 2013 3:22 pm

    Maybe he had a plot of swamp to sell you on the beach. 🙂 I’ll never forget the two nice clean cut Jehovah’s guys who took one look at my then shepherd/collie, perched themselves right at the edge of the steps down and pleaded, ‘please don’t release the dog’. Little did they know he would have licked them to death and gladly handed over the ‘family silver’ if given a friendly pat on the head.

    (That said Sam did growl and raise hackles at the taxi driver who appeared at midnight one night and insisted my son had ditched his cab without paying. My son was 9 months old and laying in his crib at the time which I politely explained, but when he got obnoxious I told him to get off my doorstep or I’d call the police. Sam looked positively ferocious at that time. Had never seen that side of him.)

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 5:15 pm

      It’s amazing how protective our ‘cute’ dogs become when they think you may be in danger. I certainly wouldn’t trust my two if anyone was aggressive towards me. One night hubby walked through the kitchen and slapped me on the butt – my Shepherd grabbed his hand (not sinking his teeth in or anything, just gripped it) which was a warning that he didn’t like the way I was slapped. Good on him I say – I hate bum slapping! 😉

      What a completely rude cab driver. You must have been half scared to death (I know I would have been!) Yikes! 😯

      Like

  28. kezalu / Feb 13 2013 4:18 pm

    It would have gone like this for me:

    Him: Good morning.
    Me: Whatever you’re selling I don’t want.
    Him: I’m not selling anything.
    Me: I still don’t want it. Thank you.

    And all to the background of two hysterical dogs (and I don’t mean funny either.)

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 13 2013 5:17 pm

      It was hard to hear him over the dogs. They are both big and have big barks so I had to go around to the front door to hear what he was saying (having said that, I did leave the back door slightly ajar in case they needed to get in quickly!)

      Like

      • kezalu / Feb 14 2013 2:29 pm

        Gotta love the dogs. So loyal and loud. 😀

        Like

  29. sherrylcook / Feb 13 2013 4:47 pm

    I can’t stand pushy salespeople. I used to cut hair and I had to sell hair products, I hated it. Needless to say I don’t cut hair anymore.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 7:58 am

      I could never be an effective salesperson – I’m too soft and wouldn’t be able to push people into buying anything. I’d like it if all salespeople were like this guy! 😉

      I worked in a hair salon after school many moons ago and I didn’t like it because I came across an older woman with a big mushy growth on the back of her head (it still give me nightmares!) LOL 😀

      Like

      • sherrylcook / Feb 14 2013 8:11 am

        That’s funny. I have nightmares about a client that had green gooey stuff on her scalp! Maybe I should write about the tortures of being a hairstylist…lol

        Like

      • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 8:50 am

        Please do! It’s amazing the things you see in the salon 😉

        Like

  30. Zen A. / Feb 13 2013 5:53 pm

    Ahahaha. That was terrible. The salesmen I usually encounter are so pushy it makes me want to scream. I would take your salesman over mine any day! Great take on the challenge, Dianne. 😀

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:30 am

      Thank you, Zen 😉 He was the softest salesman I’ve ever come across. He’s welcome back any day! 😀

      Like

  31. Roy McCarthy / Feb 13 2013 5:56 pm

    Love the portrait Dianne – isn’t it great to have another string to your bow? I could never draw.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:33 am

      LOL! I’m sure my pictures will be snapped up by galleries across the globe 😀

      Like

  32. ramblingsfromamum / Feb 13 2013 7:33 pm

    What the hell was gherkin nose trying to sell? lol xx

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:34 am

      If you know, please let me know, because no one knows LOL! 😀

      Like

  33. the eternal traveller / Feb 13 2013 8:01 pm

    Poor sales boy. He didn’t have much luck with you.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 9:23 am

      I really feel for him! But I wish they were all that easy to deal with 😉

      Like

  34. 4amWriter / Feb 13 2013 9:13 pm

    The beach…hmm…Umbrellas? Coolers? Surfboards? I run and hide every chance I get when a salesperson rings my doorbell. Even Girl Scouts selling cookies. Run and hide, run and hide.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:37 am

      It could have been any one of these – but he didn’t even give me the chance to decide if I wanted one or not. I wish all salesmen were like this LOL 😀

      Like

  35. tchistorygal / Feb 14 2013 12:43 am

    What a post, and the comments, as usual, just have me going this morning! I need coffee to go with them all, and we could all sit around just swap stories about big noses and sales people. I actually have both – the nose and the stories. Back in the 70s when they still had door to door salespeople here, I used to BE one!!! My most bizzarre experience was the ugly woman that came to the door in her blanket. (I sold Parents Magazine). I gave her my opening spiel and she let me in. We sat on her couch, and I started in . Her blanket kept slipping. Ooops, too far. She wasn’t a woman! He got up to get a cigarette, I kept frantically talking to the end of my canned speech. His blanket flapped in the breeze as he walked. Kind of fat! More than bum crack showing… Me, nervously talking, not smart enough to know how to get out of this. He came back, sat back down on the couch next to me again.

    Me: “How does that sound to you, fair enough?”

    Him: “I’m not interested.”

    Me: “OK, thanks for your time,” I moved as quickly as possible to the front door and let myself out. I bet he had a good laugh! I never forgot him!!! I don’t remember if he had a big nose, though!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:46 am

      Yick! That’s one unattractive man/woman! I could never sell door to door because I’m actually quite shy (hard to believe I know!) I really don’t like talking to strangers and often get tagged as a ‘snob’ – but it’s not snobbiness, it’s just that I’m nervous around people I don’t know. This is one of the reasons I don’t do ‘store book signings’ I couldn’t think of anything worse 😦

      Kudos to you, my friend for having the guts to sell door to door! You’re certainly a lot braver than me 😀

      Like

      • tchistorygal / Feb 14 2013 10:11 am

        Believe it or not, I’m shy, too, but I’ve had to do what I’ve had to do to get by, and buy and so out of my shell I’ve come. And that man was a little stranger than most!!! 🙂

        Like

  36. Denise Hisey / Feb 14 2013 1:08 am

    Poor guy hasn’t found his calling, has he?
    😉

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:47 am

      I’m sure he will one day 😉 I really feel for people who do this kind of work – I know I could never do it…

      Like

  37. mcwoman / Feb 14 2013 1:31 am

    Obviously, this poor lad had no training at all and was thrown to the wolves–in your case, hungry dogs. I bet he was holding onto his clipboard like a security blankie, too, wasn’t he? I know the type. Oh, and by the way — love the drawing by the world famous artist! Barb

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:48 am

      Thanks Barbara 😀 He was holding his clipboard like a security blankie – well picked up!

      Like

  38. Anna Scott Graham / Feb 14 2013 2:26 am

    We really need a No Solicitors sign outside our door. You told small fibs, and there was no confrontation. I wish it was that easy to dissuade them here.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:55 am

      I’ve never found it so easy to dissuade someone before. I wish they were all like that! 😉

      Like

  39. Elisa/OCDReader / Feb 14 2013 2:44 am

    Poor guy! He sounds exactly like how I would be if I were selling things door to door. Whenever someone knocks on my door I get my cranky face on, I always feel bad when it is a neighbor bringing something by (like last night! – ooops).

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:56 am

      Oooops! That’s a little embarrassing 😉

      I could never sell door to door – I’d just end up crying LOL 😯

      Like

  40. mrscarmichael / Feb 14 2013 3:31 am

    as a lay salesperson this cautionary tale gives me hope and encouragement.

    Like

  41. Michelle Proulx / Feb 14 2013 3:41 am

    I once had a telemarketer call me … and then put me on hold. I was so intrigued that I put the phone on speaker phone and cooked dinner while I waited for them to return. When they finally came back about ten minutes later, they started into their sales speech without a word of apology. Unfortunately, the actual sales pitch was much less interesting than their put-you-on-hold opening salvo, so I had to hang up.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:58 am

      LOL – well done, Michelle. And this means they were also paying for the call! 😀

      Like

  42. lifeonwry.com / Feb 14 2013 3:53 am

    I love your rendering…. 🙂

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 6:59 am

      I’m sure my work will be in galleries around the world in no time at all! 😀

      Like

  43. robincoyle / Feb 14 2013 4:05 am

    Have you considered a job with the police department doing suspect sketches?

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 7:01 am

      The phone is currently ringing off the hook, Robin. I also had a call from Scotland Yard – sheesh, I should never have revealed this amazing talent to the world 😉

      Like

      • robincoyle / Feb 14 2013 11:37 am

        A gig in London would be lovely!

        Like

  44. char / Feb 14 2013 5:58 am

    I laughed a lot at this. That is why I’m not a salesman. I could see myself doing something just like that.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 7:03 am

      Me too – I really don’t know how they do it. I’d just end up a blithering mess! 😉

      Like

  45. Sheila / Feb 14 2013 8:12 am

    I love your drawing and your description of his nose looking like a gherkin – thanks for the laugh!

    Like

  46. markharwoodwriter / Feb 14 2013 8:38 am

    I’m guessing he was selling… hm… squid catchers! Way to go – you just passed up a super-cheap squid catcher. Better luck next time.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 14 2013 8:51 am

      D’oh! I’ve always wanted a super-cheap squid catcher! 😀

      Like

  47. Rick Mallery / Feb 14 2013 8:39 am

    Hahaha, I guarantee he did better than I would have.

    Like

  48. billyraychitwood1 / Feb 14 2013 9:54 am

    Delightful! Is there anything that you cannot make interesting? Poor Pinocchio Peddler Passing Pitifully Past!

    Like

  49. Jenny Ackland / Feb 14 2013 12:40 pm

    You were generous with your time. I just answer the door and say I’m sorry, I don’t speak to people at the door. I need to get one of those ‘No Hawker’ signs but then I just think: what 20-year-old Irish backpacker will know what ‘hawker’ means. If you have ‘No Salespeople’ they’ll say: But I’m not a salesperson. They have increased, I get at least one a week.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 19 2013 1:32 pm

      I should have chased him down the street and tried to sell him one of my books! 😀

      Like

  50. Rohan 7 Things / Feb 14 2013 10:50 pm

    Haha, poor guy. Door to door sales would be far too confrontational and uncomfortable for me, I am much happier sitting at a computer typing away or playing guitar.

    Darn, I really want to know what he was selling though! Something you can use at the beach…hmmm.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Rohan.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 15 2013 7:37 am

      I’m exactly the same, Rohan – there’s no way I could sell door-to-door 😯 I’d just end up in tears!

      Like

  51. gabrielablandy / Feb 15 2013 12:08 am

    Hilarious!!! But I am so intrigued about what he was selling. And really – who can believe someone who says they never go to the beach, or accept it without thinking they have to persuade them otherwise…
    On another note, have you read that Flannery O’Connor short story about the bible salesman? It’s one of my favourites 😉

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 15 2013 2:11 pm

      I still don’t know what he was trying to sell. Maybe it’s one of those new marketing ploys where I was supposed to run after him asking about the ‘secret’! LOL 😀

      I love Flannery O’Connor so I’ll be looking at finding that story today. Thank you! 😉

      Like

  52. saved in drafts / Feb 15 2013 4:19 am

    Ha ha! poor bloke, great take on the challenge 🙂 Here is mine if youre interested http://savedindrafts.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/writing-challenge-characters-tactless-criticism/

    Like

  53. dennisberry / Feb 15 2013 5:48 am

    You can make even the most mundane conversation interesting and funny.

    Like

  54. jmmcdowell / Feb 15 2013 5:55 am

    I try to avoid them as much as possible. 😉 Thank heaven for Caller ID on phones! And sometimes, I just won’t answer the door if I’ve noticed someone stopping along the street.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 15 2013 2:15 pm

      Caller ID is the best invention since sliced bread! It was pretty hard to avoid him because he could see me sitting in the yard (that’s where I do all my writing) 😉 But I still don’t know what he was trying to sell me 😯

      Like

  55. Lisaman / Feb 15 2013 8:54 am

    I would make a terrible salesman too 😉

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 15 2013 2:16 pm

      I think you have to be a particular kind of person, Lisa. He wasn’t one of them 😀

      Like

  56. patriciasands / Feb 15 2013 9:22 am

    Hilarious introduction for me to your blog! Thanks!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 15 2013 2:17 pm

      Thank you for dropping by, Patricia! Great to see you here 😀

      Like

  57. Jacqui Murray / Feb 16 2013 11:44 am

    I’ve heard similar. I like polite, but Zig Ziegler needs to have a chat with your boy. The worst salesman I ever had darken my door told me how ‘rich people’ (him not knowing my husband is unemployed and I teeter on the fence of solvency) should buy this. Even Zig couldn’t help that guy.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 16 2013 12:12 pm

      I think it’s so much worse when they’re so desperately pushy (to the point of being rude). Zig definitely needs to talk with the lad that knocked on my door. He’ll end up starving to death if he’s relying on this job for income 😯

      Like

  58. DaydreamsinWonderland / Feb 16 2013 3:31 pm

    This cracked me up! I love it!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 17 2013 6:35 am

      I’m so glad 😀 It’s good to have a bit of a laugh!

      Like

  59. cocoaupnorth / Feb 16 2013 8:01 pm

    He certainly need to rethink about his career choice:-)

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 17 2013 6:37 am

      He does! If he’s doing this to feed himself I think he’d probably be very hungry by now 😀

      Like

  60. restlessjo / Feb 17 2013 8:03 am

    I always feel so sorry for youngsters- it could have been my son! He started his “career” by selling double glazing as a travelling salesman. It lasted 6 weeks and he was more in debt when he finished than when he started.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 17 2013 8:10 am

      I think people take advantage of these young ones and send them out making them think they’re going to make a lot of money. I did a sales job (telephone) when I was young and worked full time for two weeks and only made two dollars! It is such a rip-off. I think of my kids as well when I see these people so I’m never rude to them. Normally I just say I’m not interested, but I couldn’t in this case because he never told me what he was selling…poor guy!

      Like

  61. audiophileparadise / Feb 17 2013 3:15 pm

    Boy! This post takes me back 4 years, when I was still in school! My sister and her best friend had come over to my place to bunk for the night. Turns out my father had ordered pizza, and we didn’t know about it. So, there he was. At our doorbell, in time (to avoid the 30-minute-or-free deal, obviously :P) I opened the door, and I tried convincing him that we hadn’t ordered the pizza. After about 20 minutes of frustrating his bones off, he gave me the pizza and gave a terrifying shriek I can still recall till today. It could say: “Just take the pizza. Take it. I don’t want your money! God! Kill me!”
    I know it has got NOTHING to do with salespersons, but the post just clicked and ignited that old memory spark – Just sharing 🙂 😀

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 18 2013 10:42 am

      This is a wonderful story! That poor pizza guy! 😀

      Like

  62. jannatwrites / Feb 17 2013 6:01 pm

    Such a strange interaction! He tried the tactic to get you to say ‘yes’ to something- any question so you’d be more receptive to his speech and more inclined to respond favorably. Poor guy!

    I remember a sales call I got when I lived in an apartment. The guy asked me if I owned a home. I gave him the honest answer – “no” (because it was rental.) He got angry and said, “What do you live in a cardboard box?” and then he hung up on my before I could tell him I had the only box with a phone line.

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 18 2013 10:48 am

      I never realised he wanted to me to give a ‘yes’ answer – it all makes sense now, Janna! If I had said ‘yes’ to anything then his pre-memorised speech would have kicked in. Your comment has flicked the lightbulb on in my brain! You are very clever 😀

      I find it so rude when those telemarketers hang up on you. That happened to me when one rang me and told me there was a problem with my computer. I told him I didn’t have a computer and he yelled at me, called me a liar and then hung up. I wasn’t lying because I actually didn’t have a computer at the time! 😯

      Like

  63. Subtlekate / Feb 17 2013 9:33 pm

    I think I saw him on my street. LOL

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 18 2013 10:49 am

      LOL! 😀 I bet he was dragging his feet and had his head down 😯

      Like

  64. eof737 / Feb 18 2013 3:27 pm

    That is hysterical… Poor guy. 🙂

    Like

  65. C. R. / Feb 20 2013 12:58 pm

    LOL I know the guy! or several like him :p you have me cracking up over here!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 20 2013 3:49 pm

      He definitely needs some lessons in how to make a sale! 😀

      Like

  66. moderndayruth / Feb 20 2013 1:28 pm

    Oh, dear… that’s creepy! Good that he bumped into you – you are so good-humored and well-meaning, knowing myself, i might have gotten paranoid lolol!!!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 20 2013 4:03 pm

      I’m not usually that forgiving when people come to my door. He just seemed a little ‘new’ at the whole sales thing! 😀

      Like

  67. Linda / Feb 22 2013 5:55 am

    Haha! Dianne! Oh now, you’ll forever wonder what that poor guy was trying to sell!! HA! And I loved “the Artists rendering!’ Haha! I remember once there was some guy in the neighborhood who was outside the house and I glanced out the window. Apparently he was wanted by the police and a later that day a policeman came by to question the neighbors about him. I explained to the policeman that I had only seen him for a second and had just glanced out the window at him — and then I went on in great detail to explain exactly what he looked like and what he was wearing. I remember the police officer being quite amazed at my observations. I didn’t know it then, but I guess that was the writer coming out in me! Ha!

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 22 2013 6:39 am

      I’m so glad you like my artistic talents – I’m still waiting for the call from Scotland Yard for the ‘police sketcher’ job LOL 😀

      It doesn’t surprise me at all that you gave a full description of that fellow – you certainly have a brilliant eye for detail! 😉

      Like

  68. maggiemyklebust / Feb 25 2013 8:37 pm

    Maybe he was doing a survey on why people go to the beach… 😉

    Like

    • diannegray / Feb 26 2013 6:31 am

      Okay Maggie – you’ve won the day. This is such a simple explanation! Occam’s Razor “…among competing hypotheses, the one that makes the fewest assumptions should be selected”.
      I don’t know why that didn’t occur to me and I think you’re right! 😀

      Like

  69. Daphne Shadows / Mar 15 2013 9:36 am

    Wooooow! I wish I the salespeople that came to my door were that easily discouraged!

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. Weekly Writing Challenge: Characters – Nalinee as Friend, Sister and Philosopher | My.Vivid.Visions
  2. Come on in and sit right down and make yourself at home | elladee_words

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