Asteroids scare me – until I have my first cup of coffee
I opened the newspaper this morning to find that Asteroid 2012 DA14 is Heading for Earth. Apparently, this asteroid (with a less than groovy name) is the size of bus. I’m thinking they should probably have called it The Number 42, but I’m not sure if it’s one of those double-decker buses or just a regular one – I guess if it hits you on the head it’s not going to make a hell of a lot of difference. Then in the fine print I found that even though it’s heading for Earth, it’s actually not going to hit Earth. Phew! You had me going there for a minute…
Now I’m on my third cup and have switched between WIPs several times so I thought I should ramp it up a gear and give you something intriguing to numb your mind read.
Another interesting news article that caught my eye was Banning of Plastic Bags Can Cause Death in Humans – WOAH! Apparently the University of Pennsylvania has come up with this beauty and the fine print tells us that reusable grocery bags that have contained meat and are left in the car boot for some time could grow harmful bacteria. Apparently, people then reuse these poisonous bags for the veggies and… well, I’m not a university professor but I think I know what happens next…
Then I did some online reseach for the perfect Valentine’s Day gift and found one that would suit the person who has everything (including reusable grocery bags containing stinky old meat juice).
Have you run across any odd news items lately? Do you sometimes look at headlines and think WTF (if my mother is reading this – WTF means “Wednesday, Thursday, Friday”) 😀
Dianne Gray author 
Wow….the gift that…..I don’t even know what to say to that!
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LOL! The ‘eternal’ gift? 😀 😀
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The gift that keeps giving…even into the afterlife. How romantic! 😉
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…and to think I would have just been happy with a red rose. I didn’t know what I was missing out on 😉 I wonder if you broke up with them, if they’d want it back???
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Hahaha…..I’d hate to even think….would there be a custody battle?
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Whoever dies first gets the goods! 😀
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Hahaha….well done!! 😀
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omg…you two are making me snicker uncontrollably….
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Oh that’s gross! And dangerous! Those bags go straight in the can in this house. I heard about that asteroid a while back – it’s supposed to whiz by closer to Earth than the moon is. Less than 230,000 miles. In terms of astrology, this is just millimeters! How’s the house doing?
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No news on the house yet. I’m still waiting on one minor approval from the local government, but it’s feels they must have all gone on holidays at the same time! 😦
Meaty bags in the boot!??? That is SO gross but it must happen because a few people have poisoned themselves – ewwwww
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I used to live near a large dump and it was quite common for garbage trucks to lose some of their trash on the way. One day, I noticed a large white plastic bag. Upon examining it, I discovered it was filled with leftover meat.
So, I gave the meat to my dogs, washed it out really good and we made a delicious tossed salad for supper that night. I highly recommend it.
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LOL! Well done! 😀 I love a win/win situation.
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Love the funeral arrangement gift. How romantic! 😉 If you like odd news, try the Sky News Offbeat section. I like the one about the elephant seal leaning to dance Gangnam style. The end of the video is the best part. Of course, there’s always The Onion, America’s finest news service. I will never forget the heading of one particular news story – Pope says screw the meek!
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Thanks, Justin – I’m going to check these out 😀
Don’t forget the funeral arrangement gift on Thursday if you get stuck. Nothing say’s I Love You like a well thought out funeral plan 😉
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I will never reuse a plastic bag again. !
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Oh no – I’ll have the greenies on my back now 😉 I think it’s okay to reuse the non-stinky-meaty ones 😀
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Hi, Dianne. I have an ad on my wall in a small frame for a tattoo parlor in Baltimore, MD, where they tell you that you can get one while you wait.>KB
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LOL! That’s very clever 😀
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Truth is ALWAYS stranger than FICTION, eh?
It’s definitely a good idea to WASH reusable bags after toting groceries home.
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You’d think that would be a given, but obviously not for some… 😉
I love reading ‘true stories’. I’d love to write about some of the things that have happened in my life, but I’m sure people would think they are too strange to be true! 😀
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I’m still trying to get my head around the pastor who recently said women on birth control pills have tiny fetuses embedded in their wombs and that the “wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.” That’s the weirdest news I’ve heard lately. And the most lacking in common sense and science…
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That one just about takes the cake! Not only is it incredibly stupid, it’s also incredibly dangerous for people to say such things (no wonder women are treated so poorly at times). What an utter twit… I’m sending him my reusable shopping bag…
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Good idea!
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Yes, that is lovely! But what will I get him next year? Oooh, I know! A new suit to wear at the viewing! 😉
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PS: Canvas bags last longer and are easily washable, whereas the recycled plastic ones don’t hold up to washing that well.
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I wondered what all that plastic stuff was that’s stuck in my washing machine 😉
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LOL! You could get something for the funeral every year until you have the whole kit! 😀
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What the article failed to report was that the vegetables were not washed as well, nor were the hands, fingernails, and dishes.
My wife’s biggest fear is being homeless, so I guess I could get the funeral plot for valentine’s and kill two birds with one stone.
What a great post from simply reading the newspaper. Thanks for reassuring me that everything is right in the world. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo
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ewwww! Must wash those bags, vegetables, hands, nails and dishes – very important 😉
I’m sure your wife would be over the moon if you gave her this ‘thoughtful’ gift (literally – on the dark side of the moon!) I know I would be! 😀
Everything is right in the world, Kozo and balance has now been restored! {{{Hugs}}} 😀
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Or as Felicity Huffman would say, What The Flicka….
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Haaaaa! I’m so using that one with my mother 😉
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So, by the logic of the University of Pennsylvania, wouldn’t banning the bags be a good thing to prevent people from poisoning themselves? I’m not quite seeing how they reached the conclusion they did. Then again, I’m both a vegetarian and a user of cloth bags, so perhaps I was never going to see it their way.
On the other hand, I too am relieved to learn that the #42 will be giving us a miss. Is this the number of the problematic bus route that everyone bemoans where you are? For me, that would be either the #3 or (shudders) the #20.
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I’m not sure how the University of Pennsylvania reached their conclusion either, Janna. Maybe because bags are banned and people now have to pay for them they are buying less and reusing them more – that’s what I seemed to get out of the story 😉 Being a vegetarian and a user of cloth bags puts you in a far safer place than the meat eaters who use plastic 😀
The #42 is always breaking down, running late and overcrowded – probably similar to your dreaded #20 😀
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It all makes me glad I can’t read.
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We don’t need horror stories – just the daily news 😉
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I don’t ever want to go back to paper bags. I can hang an entire cart full of groceries in plastic bags on my arms and get them into the house in one trip. Ok, I did drop the eggs last week and broke ten of them, but for the most part, I make it. I have wonderful cloth and canvas bags that I could use for groceries, but the thought grosses me out because I only use them for books. … Rich’s Mom and Dad already gave us two burial plots – next to them. Rich better not take care of the rest of the arrangements for Valentine’s Day. … Ok, I’m leaving or the Drambuie is going to start talking for me! 🙂
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Dropping the eggs is THE WORST! Anything else can fall out of the bag – but the eggs?… grrrr
No more ‘arrangements’ for you, my dear Maddie! Enjoy your Drambuie and have one for me! 😉
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and there I was under such a misconception thing WTF meant something completely different… Damn I will have to go back over all my comments where I’ve used it and change them to CAD …
Love that the asteroid is heading for earth … but going to miss… is that then a correct statement.??
Heading for earth sounds like it wants to come home… but no it’s going to miss… then surely ET is not on his way back… damn…
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LOL! I did find it odd that the headlines say “heading for earth” when it’s not actually “heading for earth” at all. Don’t you just love the media!
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I think the people who came up with that ‘gift’ are not thinking big enough. I mean c’mon…that’s a one time gift isn’t it?
It’s not like a person needs more than 1 of those. They’re only going after the 1-time purchaser. They need to expand. I think they need to go into the anniversary business too.
They could start off say at yr 5….the traditional anniversary gift is wood. There you go…gift #1…as the years go by…they can start adorning it…oh yeah…if you get it for them when you are young, by the time it’s ready for ‘use’…you could have a gold gilded resting place!
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Brilliant Katie! Start off with wood, go to nails and then it gets more bling from there. You are a genius, my friend! It could be like a Pandora blacelet where you just keep adding to it 😀
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How romantic!
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I just love romance and the ‘thoughtful gift’! LOL 😉
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LOL! I’d be wondering if hubby upped my life insurance if he gave that gift to me! 😉
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I’d start looking over my shoulder if I got both! 😉
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Ah ha ha ha….I have to say I didn’t see the funeral thing coming. Ha ha ha!!! Hilarious. (I am NOT showing my husband, btw) As for the meat bag – do people not put their meat in A bag inside THEE bag? Am I just a paranoid freak? Even THEN, I do not keep (and reuse!) the meat bag!!
Love this post as I got several out loud chuckles while reading.
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I totally agree that people should put their meat in A bag inside another bag and as far as leaving it in the boot of the car until the next shopping trip? ewwwwww!
I’m so glad you liked it! I love a good chuckle 😀
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So thoughtful of you to clue your mom in like that!!!:)
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LOL! If only you knew my mum! 😉
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I opened up the paper the other day, Dianne and apparently we have to brace ourselves for a solar flare – which hit earth every 100 – 200 years (last one was in 1856) and we are due one. They are worried that it will bring down satellites and damage the worlds communications. # Yikes #
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Don’t open the paper, Dan! 😉
I think the solar flares are affecting us more because of all the technology we rely on. When we lived in the ‘dark ages’ they didn’t really matter. As long as I’m not on a plane when it happens I should be okay 😯
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I had heard that about the reuseable bags before. I don’t use them because I never remember to take them to the shop with me! But all our plastic bags get used as rubbish bags so they get recycled anyway.
If you ever read about a comet that is going to hit the earth, can you let me know so I don’t bother going to work that day 🙂
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LOL! Yeah – I’d probably take the day off as well. What a waste of time spending your last hours trying to update the paperwork 😉
I’m always forgetting to take bags to the store and, like you, I just use them as rubbish bags. They’re just so darn handy! 😀
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Oh I so loved the WTF to your Mum of COURSE it means that 🙂 Pre-paid funeral for Valentines…how absolutely…um …thoughtful. 😉
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I think I’d be looking over my shoulder if I got that gift 😯
My favourite when I was in meetings (before I left my day job) – Someone would say something stupid (thinking they’re intelligent) and I would say, “what comes after Monday Tuesday?” and anyone that knew me well would giggle because they knew I meant WTF!!! 😀 😀
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Well, scientifically speaking, even if the asteroid WAS to collide with the earth, it would get incinerated in the Earth’s atmosphere, and by the time it hit the ground (or the water), it wouldn’t be bigger than a lump of dirt. Just clearing that up! 😀
And yes, I come across hilarious news ads in the newspapers too, some quoting that you can lose 50 kg in less than a month. Talk about anorexic! 😛 😀
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Thanks for clearing that up – I’ll sleep a lot better now 😉
50 kg in a month? Good grief, that’s a lot of fat going somewhere 😯
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Probably I am as old as your Mother, maybe older :(, so I am so pleased you have let me in on the translation of WTF… 🙂
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My pleasure to clear that up for you! But I’m pretty sure you’re nowhere near 83 😀 (and if you are you look sensational!) 😀
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Oh thank you, no I admit I still have a few years to catch up with your Mum. She sounds a really nice lady
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Your punch-line gave me the biggest laugh for a while!
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Glad to hear! I love a good punch-line 😀
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Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – that funeral ad, hahaha
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My favourite saying “what comes after Monday and Tuesday’. If I say that when my friends are around they crack up! 😀
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Wow, you really couldn’t make some of this up hey – truth is indeed a great deal stranger than any fiction I could come up with. The funeral ad?! Well, that just takes my breath away…though luckily not literally…words aren’t quite THAT powerful:-)
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So true, Harula! I don’t know how people come up with these things 😀
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This is funny. I can’t believe that funeral ad — they actually came up with something worse than buying your loved one a vacuum cleaner for valentine’s day. 🙂
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I got a toaster once – and I thought THAT was bad. I almost shoved it down hubby’s throat (actually, I should have got him a funeral plan for Valentines Day to pay him back). Hmmmm, now you’ve got me thinking 😉
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Hahaha! Thanks for the morning chuckles. And for the awesome idea for a Valentine gift for my husband! 🙂
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LOL! I hope he likes it! 😀 😀 😀
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And there you have the reasons I avoid the news! So much of what is presented as news isn’t news at all — it fits better under the category “Entertainment.”
Funny, my grand-daughter wants to be an editor. And I keep wondering if anybody edits anything anymore.
Love the funeral ad.
I would be more worried about things like this advert from Ovaltine a “few” years ago. Wouldn’t it be fun to wake up Gay in the morning?
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That’s a ripper, Peter!!! I have a friend I could send that to (actually, maybe not) 😯
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Well my friend, you have started me off with a belly laugh this morning. Thanks! 🙂 Barbara
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I’m so glad, Barbara! We all need a good belly laugh in the morning 😉
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Best Valentine’s gift EVER! Ha ha.
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It’s a cracker – and oh so romantic! 😀
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I’m laughing out loud because one of my favourite ads up here right now has an ‘un-coffeed’ man looking at his Jack Russell Terrier and seeing part dog, part lizard, part porcupine – until he has his morning coffee.
I do wonder how many leave meat in their car boots for any length of time. Mine tends to go from the grocery store, to boot, to home in fairly short order. And yes, I use my bags interchangeably – might have meat one week, veggies the next etc… Mine are more contaminated from pet hair – but none of us have died yet. And I’m becoming more and more skeptical of ‘scientist’s’ as days go by. Seems like the germophobes are the sickest – pandered to by the ‘science of household products’.
I’m glad my hubby and I don’t do Valentine’s day (holiday by Hallmark in our books), but I think I’m going to have to share that gift idea on Facebook! LMAO.
As for amusing news, I don’t go looking for it, but when I spot it, it makes me grin. I very rarely wear perfume but Chanel #5 was given to me one year and I really liked it. Who knew it contained whale poop… http://www.livescience.com/26785-ambergris-sperm-whale.html
Thanks for the entertainment! – Suzan –
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LOL! Thanks for showing me that, Suzan (now I’m frantically wiping off my Chanel #5!)
You’re so right about becoming more and more skeptical of ‘scientist’s’ as days go by. I’m sure they just get grants to study things and make half of it up as they go along (apologies to all my scientist friends!)
We haven’t done Valentines Day for about 20 years, since hubby bought me a toaster and I threw it at his head. Maybe I should get him a funeral plan as payback 😀
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Asteroids do with regularity hit the earth. Most, harmlessly, but some not so. I think our early warning system got slashed with budget cuts. Oh well.
I’m on the hunt for an odd headline.
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Let me know what you find, Jacqui 😉 I love it when they cut the budget for things that really matter and put more money into crap things (like weapons) 😯
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HAHA! If my mother is reading this – that’s great!
Oh my gosh I can’t believe they’d do an add like that! That’s insane! “I love you honey, now pick out how your funeral program should read.” ….. 0_o
I’ve seen weirder done though; my grandparents bought my mom her burial plot for her 16th birthday.
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Were you grandparents trying to tell your mother something? 😉 I could imagine as a 16 year old that wouldn’t have been the most popular present she’d ever opened! 😯
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Did I not read about that asteroid in a novel recently…
Oh, and the day they banned plastic bags in Ireland was great. Instead of buying a Bag for Life or something there were loaves of bread being stuffed inside jackets, potatoes rolling down the road, the lot.
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Hmmm – I wonder if it’s the same asteroid! LOL 😉
It was the same in the town I recently moved from. Bags were banned (you could still buy one, but on one wanted to). When we moved here I embarrassed myself at the shop check-out when I squealed, ‘Oh my God – you have free bags!!!!’ 😯
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So THAT is what WTF stands for. The asteroid is not going to hit us Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday? WTF?
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HAAAAA! I’m sure it’s always been Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You’ll know what I mean now if I respond to a post and say ‘what comes after Monday and Tuesday?!’ LOL 😀
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Hmm, let’s see what my husband does for Valentine’s Day this year! So far I haven’t seen any funeral-related brochures lying around the house….
On a more serious(?) note, germs are a part of life. And they help keep our immune systems on their toes. Sometimes, a few bacteria and viruses are a good thing. 😉
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I’m hearing you, JM. Apparently there are odd diseases kids can get now because the environment they are growing up in is so sterile (my kids never had this problem when they were growing up! 😉 ) I don’t think people realise that being a germaphobe can actually have dire consequences 😯
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You are genius, Dianne! Mwahha, i react in the same way to newspaper headlines & tv news, that’s why i am avoiding them as plague!!! Sharing on on my fb page as an early Valentine inspiration! 😀 xxxx
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Thank you, Lena! I don’t normally read the paper – it’s either too depressing or they don’t report what I actually believe to be ‘news’!
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WTF – asteroid the size of a school bus hitting earth? Thank God I kept reading…yes, headlines these days are scary, sometimes misleading to attract prurient interests and what did I just say? Prurient interests? I’m not sure I even know what that means…:)
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I’m heading over to my dictionary right now! 😉
The headlines can get pretty ridiculous at times and I sometimes wonder whatever happened to real ‘news’ 😀
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Thought provoking collection of news items…
Heading to / coming near… enough for a media article….details details.
My favourite news item this week is http://www.dailylife.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/killer-vaginas-20130208-2e2td.html…
I’m glad I’m not the only person to politically incorrectly use plastic shopping bags as rubbish bags. And yes, meat goes in a separate bag, is transported home to the fridge ASAP and and the bag gets thrown out after it’s done that job.
We agreed to cards only for Valentine’s Day until the G.O presented me a “to the woman in my life” Valentine’s Day card, whereupon I chucked a big wobbly and suggested he stick the card well, you know where, but he just chucked it the bin. It took a few years but last year I received lovely red roses a day before… not being a sucker he wasn’t paying the price of The day. Last year I got an anniversary card for my birthday because it had cute birds on it.. Ok, close enough I thought, anniversary of my birthday… so cards are not as easy as they seem 😉
The popularity of funeral plans passed me by until flooded in at TA after the Australia Day weekend we were watching morning TV for news and were inundated with funeral plans adverts… is that what really concerns the world at large, I wondered… my funeral plan involves a cheap box & a hot fire…
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What a wonderful response! That woman who tried to poison her hubby is a classic! Surely there must be an easier way (like just leaving him!) 😯
I love the cheap box and hot fire 😉 – I’m with you there 100%
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What a romantic gift! Wow…I am kind of speechless actually 🙂 As for the asteroid, that is exciting, I can’t wait to see it whiz by, the hubby and I have been learning constellations lately and that will add some excitement to the night sky viewing.
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I think it’s almost here, Elisa! Hang on to your hats 😉
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Random and hilarious! What could be funnier than truth? My first husband once went fishing, and left his smelt in the trunk for several days (probably in a plastic bag). I think he had to trade the car in after that!!! His smelt really earned their name. My sister-in-law uses her plastic bags to clean up after her dog, then she stores it away for a week until she gets it full enough that it can be thrown away without being wasteful. It’s going to be sad when those bags are no longer available.
So earth could be in for some rocky days ahead. hmmm. I heard it was coming closest to Australia. Do you have your doomsday room built yet just in case it detours and heads downward???
If not, maybe you’d like to start planning your funeral now. In fact HAVE it now while everyone is still alive to enjoy it. If it hits in Australia, you’ll all be having your funerals at the same time, and no one will be left to attend, so plan now and have them ahead of time!
I thoroughly enjoyed your news. Guess I should go read the newspaper more often. Got any coffee? Marsha 🙂
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LOL! Sitting here having my first coffee and in fits of laughter now!
That smelt must have really smelt! 😉 And I use those bags to clean up doggy doo as well (but throw it away immediately) 😀
The funeral plan is a beauty, but you’re right – what use is it if there’s no one here to attend! You’ve made my morning, my friend!! 😀
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That’s great because you made my evening! What a bunch of random FUNNY news – well not the asteroid!! hahaha
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Thanks! I have already bought the Valentine Gift for my missus so it is now too late to purchase the casket. Incidentally, does the inside of the lid contain a poorly written romantic verse?
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LOL! That would be the best! Maybe the casket can come next Valentine’s Day! 😀
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Oh dear. Because nothing says “I love you” like funeral arrangements! Gives a whole new meaning to “Till death do us part.” People will just try to sell anything these days, haha.
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Don’t you just love the way people think sometimes! Why would anyone think the love of their life would would be happy with this gift… I just couldn’t resist putting it up here! 😀
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If my husband tried that Valentine’s gift, I can assure you he’d need it first…probably before February 15th 🙂
My husband asked me today what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. I told him ‘nothing’ (because I thinks it’s an overhyped, overpriced holiday) and he said, ‘good, that’s what I planned to get you.’ Romantic, huh? 🙂
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LOL! That is so romantic, Janna! He sounds like a classic! I love it 😀
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Bounced around like a Mexican jumping bean but a fun read for a monday morning.
Thanks!
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I do tend to bounce a lot sometimes! 😉
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I’m going to write about a news story this week too (the strange case of the horsemeat in the beefburgers) – you can’t beat a newspaper for one of those Wednesday, Thursday, Friday moments! We’re not doing Valentines as such, but have used it as an excuse to buy tickets to see some dancers from one of our (ok,my!) favourite shows on their national tour 🙂
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Woo hoo! It’s always good to use it as an excuse to do something you really want to do (maybe I’ll do this as well- hmmm, just have to think about what it is that I want) 😉
I’m looking forward to your horsemeat story!
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That funeral gift has to be a joke, right? I mean, it’s impossible to imagine them all at the funeral parlour, brainstorming how they can tap in to the market this valentines Day, and someone saying – hey, it’s romantic if your loved one is thinking of the day you die…so…
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LOL! I thought it was a joke as well, but it really was an advertisement! Someone needs to change their advertising agency 😀
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What I found really interesting about all this was your first cup of coffee – how do you make it, because if it helps you from getting scared then forget superman I want that coffee too.
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LOL! I recently bought a percolator and a ‘milk frother’ so I can have a cappuccino when I get up (which is about 4am when there are no coffee shops open). It does act as my superhero cape! 😉
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Like you, I need that initial infusion of caffeine for life to make sense, even if there’s no way in the world it would make sense, like getting one’s valentine a voucher for a cemetery plot. 🙂
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So true, Anna. What an odd gift 😯 I know I wouldn’t be thrilled to receive it…
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You can relax now…the asteroid exploded over Russia, unfortunately injuring many people. The bad news is, we can expect more of these asteroids in the future!
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WHAT THE?????? I just checked the news when I saw this comment. Good grief!
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Too bad the estimation of the asteroid hitting earth was wrong! I hope all those injured people in Russia are ok.
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Me too! It was a such a shock 😯
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Oh dear, dear! Where do you find this stuff… 😆
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I have a weird mind! LOL 😀
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I enjoyed your post; I saw the bus reference too–and then there are the really big ones…. Btw, I think getting a voucher for a cemetary plot from your Valentine is also a disaster. I want one for flowers and chocolate.
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I think I’d prefer flowers and chocolate for Valentines Day as well – I don’t really want to be reminded by my loved one that I’ll be 6 feet under one day! LOL 😀
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