Sage advice
I give really good advice – really. Ask me anything and I’ll be there for you with an answer that would bring Confucius and The Seven Sages to their knees. I have an abundance of experience. Most things that have happened to people have happened to me or someone close to me. I’ve been there, done that.
But do you think I can follow my own advice? Now that’s a different story…
Maybe I can give good advice because I’ve made many mistakes. I’ve stuffed up on countless occasions. I’ve said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I’ve bought the wrong thing at the wrong time. I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time (and lived to tell the tale).
It’s so much easier to solve a problem when you’re on the outside looking in – things become clearer when you take an objective view of the situation (another of my wise sayings). It’s easy for me to say, “RUN” if you’re being chased by an animal, because it’s not me facing those horns.
But if someone is trying to deal with problems that are not going to lead to imminent death, I tell them to step back, look at things individually, break the issues into separate boxes and deal with one thing at a time.
I recently saw this quote by Oscar Wilde and didn’t feel so bad about not being able to follow my own advice – “The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.”
Do you have a gem of advice that you use for others? Do you follow your own advice?
*****
While I’m here I’d like to thank Dan for his review of The Everything Theory
Dianne Gray author 
Know what you want. You may decide that you aren’t able or willing to do what is needed to get what you want, but you should always know what it is.
And, no, I don’t usually follow it myself.
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This is lovely, Misha. I certainly need to follow this advice at the moment 😉
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Yikes blogging sister…how did you do that? Know that I kinda needed to hear that sage advice today…chewing something that in it’s ALL seems way too big, but you make a great point…and one tiny box at a time. Thanks for sharing the great advice…:)
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Me too, sis! I think that’s why I wrote this – I’m at a fork in the road and not sure which way to turn. I’m trying to get my head around everything – but my feelings keep pushing my sensibilities to the ground and stomping on them. Argh!
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Wow…amazing to meet in the middle, huh? My head and heart are at odds too…I am not sure yet which one is the louder of the two, they are yelling equally loud! Yes, argh! In solidarity, at the fork! xo
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Ironic truth! Great point. Like captain Kirk said in one of his movies, ‘I guess irony can be pretty ironic’… That picture is really something, wonder if the guy was actually pinned by the buck. I don’t give advice, not qualified but have taken lots of good advice from my parents over the years. “the only truth lies in knowing that you know nothing”… 😉
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That picture was recently in several British newspapers. The guy was actually being chased by the stag! I think he got away…
I love Captain Kirk-isms! They must have had great fun making that show 😀
Parents can be wonderful at giving advice. My mother’s favourite is, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it that is important.” That one always stays with me 🙂
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She is wise indeed, so true. YouTube has lots of hilarious clips of the original Star Trek films too.
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I’m a big advice giver. It’s probably a good thing most of my friends don’t need any. ;/
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That is a good thing! 😀
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Don’t RUN when facing down an animal. That’s my sage advice – particularly as I’ve watched what happens when the teenaged kids run from my 80lb puppy. Fortunately I’ve never been in the position to have to take it. As my daughter so kindly pointed out one day when we were discussing bears… “I only have to run faster than you, and that will be no problem.”
I definitely need to take your advice (same as I’d give) and step back to look at things before leaping into the pot, stirring it up and making it worse as I’m prone to do. 😀
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Hahaha – never run from an animal! They love the ‘chase’ too much 😉
I think stepping back sometimes is a great idea. I always think before I speak (nowadays) and that’s very sage advice 😀
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Taking my own advice is always more difficult than sharing it with others. But the people I bestown my wisdom upon (I’m laughing to myself) have appreciated the advice. I usually take whatever I’ve given them and it seems to work for me too!! Good luck with choosing the right fork in your road. Just listen to those inner voices – they are pretty wise. (And I’m almost finished The Everything Theory – brilliant!!)
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Thank you so much, Susan. If you get a chance to read Dan’s review that would be awesome. I really appreciate it when people give their time to read my stories 😀
My inner voices are at odds at the moment – but I’m sure the ‘sensible one’ will come through in the end. I’m glad I’m not the only one to ‘bestow wisdom’ (now you’ve made me laugh) 😀 But I also have some very wise friends, which is always a plus!
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Sometimes giving advice is like saving a drowning man and the Chinese sat if you save him you are forever responsible for his life. The people that would first of come to me for and then actually follow it are not tohse among the ones I might be willing to be responsible for. KB
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That’s an interesting proverb. The Chinese have always known how to put things into perspective!
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Great post! I always say learn from your mistakes, it’s true!
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Thanks Liam! 🙂
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You’re welcome! Thanks for your advice! 🙂
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Dianne–You’re walking in big shoe’s alongside Oscar Wilde, and you belong there. Keep writing. Your wisdom is well received.
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Oh, thank you so much, Dennis. What a lovely thing to say 🙂
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I’m terrible at taking advice, even when I know I should. And usually I don’t like to give it because I don’t want someone blaming me if things don’t turn out the way they wanted! 😉
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Yes – that can happen. It seems so easy at the time to blame someone else. I don’t think anyone has ever turned around and told me it’s my fault things didn’t turn out right, but there’s always the future 😉
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I try to give advice when I can, but many times I don’t end up following through! In fact, I sometimes catch myself doing the same thing I advised against, and I’m all, “Hey. Waitaminute.” But by then it’d be too late, haha.
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Me too! Lol 😀
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Wow that is great. I always feel like I can guide a friend in the right direction, but I never even look for guidance. I really need to start taking advice, and following my own!
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It’s annoying sometimes, because it’s so easy when it’s not you. Maybe I need to practice ‘pretending’ I’m giving a friend advice when I have problems and see if I can come up with something relatively sane 😉
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It can be annoying! I wish it was just as easy when it’s me. Maybe it’s because we can’t put ourselves out of our shoes? For me it’s pretty easy to put myself in someones shoes, and I guess that comes form writing so much. Ah well, let me know if your idea works.
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Hope you have clarity soon, Dianne, on which way to go. My gem comes from someone else. I was sick with worry over something once, and a good friend said, “All the worrying in the world you can do will not change anything.” I found this to be true. So many times I worried about something for nothing. This has helped me to temper times of worry over the years.
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I believe this too, Maddie. Worrying is the worst thing. I used to worry so much I just had to give up because it was sending me to an early grave! Now I just think – hey, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it 😉
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Oscar Wilde was spot on. Here’s another thought on handling decision-making from Rayna James on the new TV show Nashville: “You can kiss my decision as it walks out the door.” Profound.
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Hahaha – I LOVE this. Fantastic 😀
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Remember the Dear Dorothy Dix column? (no that’s not moi) but I always envisaged being her, answering peoples problems, coming up with great problem solving ideas.. sometimes they work other times advice was taken on board and in the end they made up their own mind anyway 🙂 I truly understand where you are coming from about not taking our own advice though! Many a time – usually in haste the correct decision was not made ..we live and learn 🙂 I like the Oscar Wilde quote posted by Sheila also.
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Yes – I remember Dear Dorothy Dix – what a classic! Even older people at the time were called Dorothy Dix if they were someone people went to for advice…
Learning from our mistakes is so important (yet another piece of great advice!) 😀
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I try not to give advice. But I will ask leading questions to help the person come up with a solution. The only other gem I pass along is to ask two questions: Can you control it/him/her? In five years from now, will it matter? Most times, the answer to both is no, in which case, stop worrying about it and move on.
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Beautiful piece of advice, Ruth. It’s so true – why worry about something we have no control over? I read an interesting quote the other day (can’t remember who said it) that went something like, ‘If you think you have a good memory, tell me what you were doing 12 months ago today.’ It’s the same with worry. I don’t know what I was worrying about 12 months ago today and therefore, it mustn’t have mattered much! 😀
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It took me a long time to be able to live that one!
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Great post! Love your take on advice. Not everyone follows our advice though do they? Remember Lot’s wife? She looked back. 🙂
I follow my own advice most of the time and I have the bruises to prove it. 🙂 My best advice is just be yourself.
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Hahaha – love this, Justin 😉
No – not everyone takes my advice, particularly if I tell them to ‘go jump’! 😀
Unfortunately those bruises are a ‘part of life’ (I’d like to punch the person who said that, btw).
I love ‘be yourself’ because so many people try to emulate other’s these days…
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This too shall pass — simplistic and cliched but very Buddhist advice 🙂
Not always easy to wait it out though…and I’m with you at the crossroads…seems like it might be a crowded little meeting of the paths!
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Maybe the planets are aligned or something because it seems to be a common theme.
This too shall pass – one of my all-time favourites 🙂
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I know it’s a bit cliched but follow your heart.
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Lovely, Julie! 😀
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What a great post!
I usually want to tell someone to step back and see what their own contribution is to the problem. Sadly, yes, I do forget to take my own advice sometimes, too! ha ha!!
But, I’m finally getting to the point of realizing if someone doesn’t ask for my advice, they probably don’t want it anyhow! Learning to keep my opinion to myself is my main problem! 😉
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I love this, Denise! Learning to keep an opinion to myself can be a hard thing for me too 😀
Thanks for coming over for a visit and I’m glad you liked this post! 😀
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i give bad advice, but i follow it. what me, worry? 😉
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Great response! 😀
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on problems… sleep on it, it will seem easier tomorrow morning when you awake fresh…. never got this right myself…
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Hahaha – thank you 😀
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The picture you used made me laugh my ass off. Hahah. Not literally though, that would look awkward if it did..
Going back to the topic, I love how you addressed the old dilemma that everyone has gone through; to follow our on own advice or not? It’s really weird how people can give off advice so easily, but when they’re the ones having the problem they seek advice from others.
With that being said, it made me wonder if problems make us, people, foolish or not being able to think for our own. That’s why I’ve always believed that we shouldn’t worry about the problem. What we should worry about is finding the solution.
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So true, Neil! The solution is what we seek (regardless of the problem) 😀
I’m so glad you liked the pic!
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My advice to you Dianne is to carry on with your wonderful blogging and you’ll have enough material for 100 new novels.
Oops! Must spend some more time on my own blog!
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Lol! Thank you so much, Richard! Great to hear from you 😀
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We all have individual challenges set for us and that it why it is so easy to advise others and not deal with our own stuff. The challenge is ours and a challenge wouldn’t be one unless it was bloody hard! Breaking down the fear and tracing it to its origin is the only way – taking the bull (or in this case the stag) by the horns….Oh yeah, I think I’ll take my own advice tomorrow.
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Very true! I love the way you talk about breaking down the fear and tracing it to its origin. This is very insightful. I lot of people don’t think to do this and I guess this is why there are psychiatrists and agony aunts 🙂
I’ve always been one to ‘write my troubles away’ and in this sense I dig deeper and deeper until I get to the ‘real’ point of the problem I’m facing.
Thank you so much for commenting 😀
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It is easier to give advice to others because you don’t have the same emotional attachment, you are at least one step away from it. Emotions clouds your thinking. They cause you to act on impulse and make panic decisions. You are probably like me, rarely if ever ask for advice. And so when you go ahead and make a decision, it’s usually done out of emotion and not common sense. And so you flunk out.
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Very true. I hate asking for advice because I know deep down inside the answer is there somewhere (and I probably wouldn’t take advice anyway!).
I love the way you talk about ’emotional attachment’ – this is the heart of the matter 😉
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I love the quote you used– so true! My “sage” advice is this: Feel the fear and do it anyway. And this advice I DO take myself.
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I love that! 😀
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Agreed…it’s definitely easier giving advice to others, because you see things in a way that they can’t because they’re too involved and can’t look from the outside. But at the same time, if you’re the one getting the advice, you tend to not want to listen, even to your own advice. I guess we all just figure things out differently and on our own terms. 😉
The Oscar Wilde quote is very true.
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So true, Lily! Someone used the words ’emotional attachment’ to the problem and I think this is why it’s so much easier for us to find solutions to problems that don’t belong to us.
Oscar Wilde is one of my favourites! 😉
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Love that quote, so darn true! Sometimes I know the answer, and say so. And sometimes, others listen. 🙂
I think the ability to see from the outside is what makes us good writers, if I might say so, hee hee. So often I note people’s intentions, but that’s only been in the last five to ten years, not sure if it’s wisdom (ha ha) or age (*ahem*) or honing those observatory skills. Not that I catch everything, but many things. Sometimes it’s difficult, and sometimes I’m proven wrong, but… I think it’s age, sure, let’s go with that.
I took my eldest daughter’s advice six years about about the writing, look where that got me! 🙂
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Oh Anna you are so right about what makes us good writers! You can tell me that all night and day (hehehe). You’re right about the age thing. I cringe when I recall some of the decisions I made when I was younger. And I was a bit of a ‘yes’ person – I just didn’t know how to say ‘no’. One of my sons is like that now. He say’s things like, ‘I have to go to this party because I said I would, but I didn’t really want to’ – and I think ‘yep, been there, done that.’ 😀
Your eldest daughter must be a lovely sage 😉
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The more you run away from something, the bigger and scarier it gets. Best to turn and face it. Could well be really, really bad, but at least you’ve cut it down to finite proportions. I usually follow this advice after a lot of running away.
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This is very true. And sometimes when you face it, it doesn’t seem as big and scary as you imagined it would. (I’ve done a lot of running away too) 😀
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Ha ha ha, I never follow my own advice 😉
Xx
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That seems to be the way we roll 😉
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I am the same way! I give great advice from the outside looking in. But while I am in something, nope, no advice, do the wrong things and so far, have lived to tell the tales. 🙂
I was just hiking and we were approaching a bull who was in the middle of the trail – my dad asked if I had an exit strategy if he charged. Nope…I was just going to keep going and see “what happened”. I almost ended up in the nettles down the hillside, but luckily he decided to walk away instead of charge.
Great post!
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What a fabulous story 😀 I love the way your dad asks if there’s an ‘exit strategy’! That’s something I’d do 😉
When we were on our recent road trip, hubby was chased by a cow (not a bull) and fell down an embankment – I’m never going to let him live that one down 😀
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Oh no! I am glad he wasn’t hurt, that makes it funnier. I didn’t see it, but I can picture that story and it makes me laugh, I could see it happening to me. My dad is always thinking, I am just full of bluster and hopeful that I won’t need to crash down an embankment of thistles.
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“Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now” Annie Dillard, The Writing Life, p. 78. Best advice I’ve read about writing, and transferable from the writing life to the right life in my estimation!
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That’s a very interesting quote! And yes – fantastic for life as well 😉
Thank you so much for sharing this (it’s given me a lot to think about)
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And thanks to you! This provided fodder for my latest blog.
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Excellent – I’m going there now to take a look 😉
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Dianne, I loved the opening paragraph of this post. As I was reading it, I was thinking, “This would be the great hook for a story”, and “What an interesting character this person sounds like”!
The one piece of advice I like to offer others is to do what’s best, not what’s easiest. I’m usually pretty good at doing what’s best myself, although I can’t say I have the best track record for doing it at the right time.
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Oh, thank you, Janna – I like the sound of this as an opening to a novel 😉
I like your advice – best not easiest. Hmmm – I think I’m about about to do something that is easiest and best…though not sure yet if it is ‘best’ 😉
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I avoid giving advice to others. It just doesn’t end up well most of the time…which is also why I don’t follow my own advice either. Everybody is better off that way 🙂
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It’s always better when people remain friends 😉
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Congratulations! I’ve nominated you to take part in my WordPress Survey 2012! 🙂 All the rules and info can be found on my blog: thelifeofathinker.wordpress.com
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Thank you, Liam. I’ve just gone over to your page to take a look 😉
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Thank you! Enjoy and Spread the word! 🙂
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Here’s one I recently offered on my blog: Never follow a rule over a cliff.
OK. I’m done.
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Hahaha! Love this. Well said, Jacqui 😀
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Very interesting observations, Dianne. I hope you make the right decision. Love the Oscar Wilde quote. 🙂
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Thank you so much. I think I have made the right decision now 😀
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😀
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Lolol, i am trying to give up on giving advice – it’s really of no use… It’s better to make a tea, give a hug or something instead… You know what does help me personally though? I also tend to get lost when i am in the epicenter of the happenings – and if someone is a darling and helps me “diagnosing” what’s going on exactly, it’s really helpful to me! I think we all have this challenge – to pinpoint in simple words what’s exactly bothering us, when that’s done – i think we are already half way through to the solution! 😉
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You’re absolutely right about the cup of tea and a hug – sometimes that’s the best strategy 😉 Talking about something usually brings out the ‘true cause’ and (you’re so right) this is already half way to the solution 😀
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Oh my gosh I love that quote!
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Me too, Daphne! 😀
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One of my favorite bits of sage writers’ advice comes from Mark Twain: “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
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That’s wonderful! 😀
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Hey Dianne, my favorite story was when my daughter was nine and upset about some mistake she had made. I wisely informed her that mistakes were good things because we learn from our mistakes. She paused gave me a very serious look and than said (sage wisdom here) “wow, you must be really smart!” I never forgot that moment! :), so I never give advice, I voice thoughts and offer suggestions (when asked) that might have potential value, just never advice! btw, I read Dan’s review so I’m buying your book. I will say it’s spooky how much you and I have in common (in our interests!). Great posts, thanks, Penny 🙂
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Penny, that is so lovely of you. I know you’ll enjoy it (and I’m not bias at all) 😀
I think your daughter’s comment is beautiful and I’m thinking she’s also right!
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I’m sure I will enjoy it, really looking forward it. Thank you, I think she was referencing the number of misktakes she had watched me make! But I appreciate you making it sound nicer! 🙂
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Love it! Made me laugh – your writing and the quote, thanks! 🙂
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So glad you liked it 😉
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I loved this post, and you gave me a very useful perspective via you comment on my Bella Figura post so I can testify to the quality of your advice 🙂 I have to try very hard not to give advice unless I’m asked… I have tended to be a little over enthusiastic, one of life’s lessons for me. My favourite piece of advice given to me years ago by an always beautifully outfitted woman is “when in doubt, dress to kill”… which I share but never follow, as my style ability is somewhat lacking…
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I love that. I’m using it;) What a classic – thank you for sharing that great piece of advice! 😀
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I liken the uselessness of taking one’s own advice to the inability to edit/critique our own writing. We’re too close to the problem and that’s why we can’t deal with it appropriately.
I stopped giving advice a long time ago when I realized I was the pot calling the kettle black. Now I just turn it all into stories. At least that way something is getting done.
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Wow – I love this. I can’t edit my own books, it’s very difficult to ‘see’ mistakes and this anology to giving advice is great! 😀
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Hey! Great post. I can’t agree with you more since I do very same thing myself. Give advice but never use it. 🙂
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Thanks Kisse! I’m following your blog and looking forward to it 😀
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Hahaha, maybe you’ll see me not following my advice, that would mean many posts about relationships and me 😀
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Great post, Dianne. I once made a pretentious film that was about being in the here and now. 12 years later after going through some tough experiences in life, I re-watched the film and realized that the reason I was going through some tough times was because I did not follow any of the advice I espoused in the film!
Maybe now that I am hearing the advice to follow one’s own advice from you, I will be able to do it.
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This is SO interesting! To make a film is an amazing thing and then to look back on it 12 years later to see what you were like and believed in then is fantastic.
I’d love to read a bog about this if you ever have time to do it 🙂
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I’m actually writing a memoir and novel about it, Dianne. I’m registered for NaMoWriMo, so hopefully a draft of the novel will be done by December. I really look up to writers and bloggers like you who have accomplished so much. Thanks for the reply and interest.
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