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November 24, 2012 / diannegray

Lemon heaven and practical jokes

First the important stuff – lemons.

The house I am currently residing in (while I’m restlessly patiently waiting for the old farm house to be fixed) has lemon and orange trees in the yard.

I love citrus trees!

If there’s one thing I love – its citrus fruit! I usually squeeze a lemon for a yummy drink first thing in the morning. When I lived in the city I had to buy them all the time, now I can just go out and pick one! The only danger is that some of the trees are covered in green ants and I have to do the ‘green ant dance’ to get them off me on the way back to the house.

Green ants can be savage little rascals

Yesterday I picked a bunch of lemons. Seriously – I didn’t realise anyone could grow truss lemons! (That’s not my hand BTW – I’m not nearly that muscly and hairy!)

There are ten lemons in this bunch!

This house belongs to my old friend (Joey) who lives next door to our old farm house. His city house has been vacant for over a year because he left it and moved back to the farm to stay with his mother when his father died. He offered it to me immediately when he knew I was coming back and needed a place to stay during the renovation (he’s an absolute darling!). It’s a lovely house and has all the mod cons and as I’ve been cleaning out some of the kitchen cupboards I’ve found unused wedding presents (don’t ask). One of these is a Sunbeam juicer so yesterday I picked a bunch of oranges and juiced them. Sweetest little suckers I’ve ever tasted!

But Joey is a practical joker and the first time I walked into the hallway I was confronted by ‘George’ and nearly had a heart attack fought him off valiantly. George is a life-size cardboard cut-out of a football player dressed up in a mask, hat and jacket.

My body-guard “George”

Now I have to find a way to pay Joey back for his ‘joke’. I need to think of something devious (I’m a writer – my mind should be chock-full of these ideas!) :D

Do you think I should wait a while and catch him unaware? Or should I strike back sooner rather than later?

Green ant photo – courtesy http://www.ccwild.com/blog

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92 Comments

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  1. Ruth Rainwater / Nov 24 2012 7:28 am

    Revenge is a dish best served cold!!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 7:48 am

      YAY – Thank you, Ruth! I thought so, but wasn’t sure…

  2. Polysyllabic Profundities / Nov 24 2012 7:29 am

    The longer you make him wait for retribution, the more he’s gonna sweat!! I can’t wait to hear what his payback is….keep us posted!!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 7:50 am

      Will do – my mind is scheming a devious plan ;) But he’s very hard to trick…

  3. agjorgenson / Nov 24 2012 7:35 am

    I say strike now, and then later as well. That way he’ll be surprised times two.

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 7:51 am

      Hahahaha! Love it! You’re more devious than I am :D

  4. mcwoman / Nov 24 2012 7:40 am

    Catch him unaware, so you can say “gotcha!”

  5. avwalters / Nov 24 2012 7:43 am

    I’m in favor of a more methodical plan. The time spent is well worth it.

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 7:55 am

      I have a problem where I can’t keep a straight face, so I’ll have to be really strong on this one and practice my plan several times before the delivery ;)

  6. jmmcdowell / Nov 24 2012 7:57 am

    Definitely the cold revenge—in case he reads your blog and now knows you’re thinking about it. Make him sweat. ;)

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:43 pm

      Hahaha! He must know something’s coming :D

  7. John / Nov 24 2012 7:58 am

    Make yourself wait, he will not anticipate your retribution, thinking you’ve let his prank go by. Heh… Yummy fruit indeed. Must be a warm climate there. Snow on my back deck just now!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:45 pm

      Oh – it’s very hot here, John. It’s in the tropics ;)

      I’ll have to wait – even though I really want to do something now :D

      • John / Nov 24 2012 2:06 pm

        Ohhhh that must feel nice! Our winter is your summer. Looking at 22F tonight, yay! Be well. :)

  8. annotating60 / Nov 24 2012 8:00 am

    Dianne, I would like to see that ‘green-ant dance’ in action sometime–Sounds like a good title for a book–or perhaps a poem (I’ll think on it-the poem I mean). Well having played the same trick on my roommates once before I can only tell you that the end result was someone dismembering my dummy. Of course green-ants in a bed might do the trick. >KB

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:49 pm

      Hahahaha! Green ants in a bed would be great! Actually, now I come to think of it, I think I started the jokes by putting a live mud crab in his car many, many years ago and it scared the hell out of him – I wonder if he’d fall for that one again ;)

      The green ant dance is a bit like the ‘just walked through a spider-web, where’s the spider,’ dance. It would make a very good title for a poem! :D

  9. letizia / Nov 24 2012 8:27 am

    I love everyone’s comments on revenge; they’re so funny! But what really made me laugh was your clarification that the hand in the photo wasn’t yours :)

    A friend of mine once put a similar cardboard cutout in my bed. I was, needless to say, terrified!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:51 pm

      When you don’t expect it – it IS terrifying! George still scares me every time I turn the corner into the hall :D I should really take him down, but he’s starting to become like one of the family ;)

      • letizia / Nov 25 2012 1:56 am

        That’s so funny that you still have him there!

  10. Photos With Finesse / Nov 24 2012 8:28 am

    Can’t wait to read the revenge blog! I always find Australia fascinating for it’s ‘critters’. Had never heard of a green ant before – had to look it up. I think if I lived there my relaxed attitude towards ants, spiders and snakes might do an about face. There are distinct advantages to a climate that freeze off the nasty’s over the winter LOL, – Suzan -

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:53 pm

      I just left a cold climate and it has ‘critters’ too (red back spiders, argh!) But everything is so much BIGGER here, spiders, ants, snakes and beetles – I need to get a picture of an elephant beetle so I can post it here for you to see :D

  11. Deborah Hawkins / Nov 24 2012 8:28 am

    I would definitely wait until he is not suspecting anything.

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:54 pm

      I think that’s the way to go, Deb – but I’m SO impatient… I’m just going to have to learn to wait ;)

  12. Theo Fenraven / Nov 24 2012 8:56 am

    A friend of mine lives in Florida. He recently sent me pics of two lemon meringue pies… saying he’d picked the lemons himself. I was deeply envious.

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 1:56 pm

      Lemon meringue pies are sensational! I’ll be making some of those next week :D

  13. Don't Quote Lily / Nov 24 2012 9:06 am

    Oh ick, never seen green ants!
    Definitely make him wait so he doesn’t suspect a thing. Revenge will be sweeter that way. ;)

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:00 pm

      The indigenous people here actually eat green ants – they taste like lemons (strangely enough). I’ve tried them but didn’t really like the flavour (plus one of the little blighters sprayed his bum juice into my eye!) :D

  14. EllaDee / Nov 24 2012 9:55 am

    I have never seen ‘truss’ lemons like that… home picked lemons are the best. Our bush lemons don’t have ants but the tree branches have 2 inch long spikes everywhere. I cannot offer practical joke advice, I too am homeless and my face offers no assistance in keeping my thoughts closed off… maybe you should sub contract the revenge practical joke ;)

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:02 pm

      Oh – that’s a great idea – if I sub-contract out, he’ll never see it coming. Brilliant ;)

      It’s a shame about the lemon spikes! OUCH…

  15. adinparadise / Nov 24 2012 10:03 am

    Wow, those lemons look so good. I’m really glad you don’t have hairy arms. :D I would also have freaked out at the sight of George. 8O

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:04 pm

      Lol! No hairy arms for me ;)

      The lemons taste as good as they look and the whole kitchen smells of them – it’s lovely!

      I love your bulgy eyed emoticon! :D

      • adinparadise / Nov 24 2012 2:12 pm

        You like it? It’s yours. It’s just an 8 and a capital O. 8O

      • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 11:46 am

        Woo Hoo!!! 8O

  16. Denise Hisey / Nov 24 2012 10:36 am

    Maybe you can involve the dog, pig or sheep from the fellow’s truck you saw last week! ;-)

    While Joey sweats, we readers will be delighting in anticipation of the upcoming retribution!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:07 pm

      That’s a great idea – he just bought a new car yesterday. It would be so good if I could put one of those animals in the back! I wonder if they make crocodiles? ;)

      • Denise Hisey / Nov 24 2012 4:59 pm

        ooh, wicked! (I like it!)

  17. Britt Skrabanek / Nov 24 2012 10:55 am

    OK, first of all…George is creepy. Secondly, the best prank I can think of is cooking grease or butter on a toilet seat. My dad loved to pull that one on me.

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:08 pm

      Oh my god, Britt – that is SO funny. I’m adding it to my list! :) Thank you :D

      • Britt Skrabanek / Nov 25 2012 1:57 am

        LOL! Glad I could help. If you go for it, I’ll be expecting a detailed shenanigans report.

  18. danpentagram / Nov 24 2012 11:26 am

    What a prankster! I’d wait; slowly bide your time and allow him to think you’ve completely forgotten and then when he has let his guard down – pounce! Lol

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:09 pm

      I have to find a weakness – then pounce! LOL! ;)

  19. mrscarmichael / Nov 24 2012 11:29 am

    Revenge is best served cold……………………

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:09 pm

      So true! It makes it a much sweeter dish :D

  20. jmgoyder / Nov 24 2012 11:33 am

    Oh that would have frightened the life out of me!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:10 pm

      Me too, Julie! Particularly in a strange, dark house!

  21. justinwriter / Nov 24 2012 11:48 am

    Nice lemons! :) We have a mandarine tree we can’t keep up.

    For the practical joke, I agree with the person who said do both. :)

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:12 pm

      I think that was pretty cool as well, Justin. I’ve had some pretty good ideas come up through this post ;) There are some deliciously devious people out there :D

  22. 1girl4adamwest / Nov 24 2012 11:48 am

    Ahhhh cool. Your adventures are so funny, yummy to citrus and wait a tad then get ‘em unexpectedly! Ha!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:13 pm

      I love citrus! It is heaven here! ;)

      I hope I can do it unexpectedly and not give the game away!

  23. justinwriter / Nov 24 2012 11:48 am

    with

  24. Anna Scott Graham / Nov 24 2012 12:01 pm

    Heh heh heh… The devil on my shoulder says wait a while. The angel crosses its arms, then shrugs, says don’t wait. The basset who will return at Christmas says when can we go on a walk? :) We had a basset in England, when the kids were little, so my daughter wanted her own. Something so charming about them!

    • diannegray / Nov 24 2012 2:15 pm

      I love the visualization of the angel and devil on the shoulders! :D

      They are such beautiful dogs – more pics (please) :D

  25. ramblingsfromamum / Nov 24 2012 2:02 pm

    Hmm green ants …now what could you do with those to get Joey boy back?? *nyuk nyuk nyuk*..Perhaps that’s too ..um err cruel, no payback later is my tip.. the unaware factor has far more merit! :-)
    Have fine devising the plot Di and I am sure you will let us know what eventuated. :-)

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 11:48 am

      I’ll certainly be letting you know and I hope there are pictures to go with it! :)

  26. Sheila Morris / Nov 24 2012 2:09 pm

    Too fun that you have orange trees in Australia!!! The neighbor across the street from us in Texas on Worsham has a prolific orange tree and she’s been delivering delicious oranges up and down the street since I’ve been gone to Casa de Canterbury. Just my luck! Definitely get George back…be sneaky. :)

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 11:50 am

      Oranges are SO sweet off the tree! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat bought ones again ;)

  27. Janna G. Noelle / Nov 24 2012 2:27 pm

    I’m all about the psychological torture, Dianne; you should definitely make him sweat. Maybe play with him a little by way of a couple smallish pranks so he thinks you’ve had your revenge. :)

    And OMG, you have lemon and orange trees?? I eat an orange every day at breakfast, and drink homemade iced tea with lemon just about every night. That bunch of lemons brought a tear to my eye; citrus is my absolute favourite fruit. I’d give up a lot of my worldly goods for an orange tree and a lemon tree of my own. So jealous!

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 11:53 am

      I think it’s very heavenly as well, Janna. I’m so glad I have a soul sister citrus lover :D

      Yes – I think making Joey sweat for a while is a very good idea and I’ve got a few thoughts on ‘small’ pranks so he thinks it’s over ;)

  28. nrhatch / Nov 25 2012 2:03 am

    We bought and planted a lemon tree this fall . . . and I’m ready for the fruit to be ready already.

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 11:54 am

      Once they start, they don’t stop! It’s just the waiting for that first lot of fruit that would drive me crazy :D

  29. roughwighting / Nov 25 2012 3:06 am

    Being a practical jokester myself, I wouldn’t be able to wait to get back at him, ur, I mean, surprise him with something silly. Enjoy your plotting! Oh, and I buy 5 lemons a week for my tea. Have just planted a lemon tree on my SF deck, so hoping for a sweet and sour reward soon.

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:00 pm

      I’m not really good at practical jokes because my face gives me away every time (I think I need practice!)

      I hope you get loads of yummy lemons from your tree! :)

  30. Rick Mallery / Nov 25 2012 4:57 am

    Sounds like Joey needs to become a character in your next novel. Oh, the possibilities for revenge!

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:02 pm

      Joey will definitely be in one of my novels (I’m going to write one about the place I’m now living because there are SO many characters here). I actually thought that last time I was talking to him and he told me about what’s been happening around ‘The Hill’ since I’ve been gone :)

  31. Hazy Shades of Me / Nov 25 2012 5:32 am

    Definitely wait until he’s forgotten all about it, then WHAM!

    I also really like the comment above mine, from Rick Mallery. Have you ever heard that quote; “Be nice to me – you may just end up in my next novel.” ?!?

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:04 pm

      Hahahaha! Joey would make an amazing character (but truth is stranger than fiction and I’d have to tone him down a little otherwise people wouldn’t believe me!)

  32. Roy McCarthy / Nov 25 2012 6:57 am

    Green ants are a very good reason to steer clear of Oz 8O even though there may be many good reasons to visit.

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:06 pm

      Green ants are fine, Roy. They just nip a little and you don’t end up dead (which is always a good thing). The indigenous people who live here eat them (they taste like citrus) ;)

  33. starproms / Nov 25 2012 7:34 am

    I love the look of that truss of lemons. You are very lucky to be able to go and pick them for yourself. Enjoy the privilege!

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:09 pm

      It’s wonderful! I absolutely love fresh fruit and vegetables (and they’re healthy!)

  34. gabrielablandy / Nov 25 2012 10:11 am

    Lull him into a false sense of security, and just when he’s thinking you’ve forgotten all about it – bang!

    • diannegray / Nov 25 2012 12:11 pm

      Great idea. And if I tell him I’m not good at practical jokes, he won’t be expecting it! :)

  35. Maddie Cochere / Nov 25 2012 5:32 pm

    I see I missed a good party here! I want to see the green ant dance, too. I’ll be watching for you to post the video. ;-) Joey sounds like a great friend. Get him when you think he will least expect it.

    • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 5:28 am

      Hey, Maddie – thanks for joining in the fun! Joey is a lovely friend – that makes my devious plan even more exciting! :D

      • Maddie Cochere / Nov 26 2012 5:31 am

        Just be sure you let us know when the plan is carried out. Pictures and reactions, too! :-)

      • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 7:23 am

        Will do! :)

  36. maggiemyklebust / Nov 25 2012 8:51 pm

    I’m so jealous… the only citrus we get is imported and you can grow it right in your own back yard! And I’ve never seen a green ant either but I do have some idea as to what the ‘green ant dance’ looks like :)
    ps
    Wait until he least expects it…

    • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 5:33 am

      The fruit here is beautiful, Maggie. We also grow mangoes, lichees, avocados and other exotic fruit out at the farm. YUM!!!

      There’s a lot of head and back slapping and jumping around with the ‘green ant dance’ – it’s not delicate but there is an art to it :D

  37. ocdreader / Nov 26 2012 2:52 am

    My neighbor has lemons and she lets us grab whenever we want – so luxurious!! I think you will know when the time is right, when he is least suspecting and you can scare/shock the heck out of him. How fun! Can’t wait to hear all about it! :)

    • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 5:36 am

      I’ll try and get pics if I can, Elisa (depending on which way I go with my plan! :D

  38. Lonely Daffodil / Nov 26 2012 3:03 am

    It’s always nice to visit your blog. I liked the green ant! Enjoy your summer, Dianne :)

    • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 5:37 am

      Thank you so much! That is a lovely comment :D

  39. jannatwrites / Nov 26 2012 6:02 am

    Those green ants look scary. I think I’d make my husband go pick the lemons! As for the revenge, I like the evil brilliant suggestions to get him now, in a small way, so he thinks you’re done and then get him good (and share the story and pictures here, of course!) Good luck!

    I played a joke on my best friend last year. It was so funny I had to have a co-worker pull it off. Here’s what happened: when my son still had a Betta fish, my friend fed it an dumped too much food in. We got most of it out but she still worried that he would eat too much and die. She even called a few days later to make sure he was alive. So a few days after that, my co-workers and I devised the plan and script. One called her and said he was from the Friends Of Fighting Fish (FOFF) and received a report of Betta fish abuse. There was talk of an investigation and possible charges for animal cruelty. She was getting so upset she almost hung up on him….then I got on the phone, laughing hysterically, and told her it was just a joke. She still laughs about it (thankfully)!

    • diannegray / Nov 26 2012 7:52 am

      HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I love this! FOFF! What an absolute classic! You are a very funny lady indeed, Janna ;)

      Another great idea to add to my list (I’m sure I can think of something similar) – thank you!

  40. escapingdarkness / Nov 28 2012 12:12 pm

    Wait til he is unaware :)

  41. donnajeanmcdunn / Nov 28 2012 1:43 pm

    I never knew there were green ants. I agree with some of the other comments, that they look scary. Be sure to keep us posted on the payback for Joey. If I know you, it will be hilarious.

    • diannegray / Nov 28 2012 4:36 pm

      After finding the snakeskin on my laptop the other day – I think I have an idea :D

  42. eof737 / Dec 5 2012 2:14 pm

    George got me or a moment… scary… otherwise your life sounds quite idyllic :-)

    • diannegray / Dec 6 2012 5:59 am

      I s is idyllic – but I’m still thinking about how to get him back for George ;)

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